A Lot of Random Ramblings

Hello, everyone. I’m a blogger known as Ballista74. As I was reminded by the blogging notifications, I’ve been blogging under this alias for six years now. And by my count between all the sites I’ve blogged outside of my real name, this is post #384. I can’t say that road has been an easy one.

A lot of the stuff going on here and then some keeps happening to the point that I can’t really post as I like. One thing I keep facing is demands on my time that pushes this blog down farther and farther on the priority list. One day goes to months and you get periods like what you have just witnessed here. Unfortunately, when there’s a question of my survival, it’s hard to think about any kind of service to The Kingdom, including something like this, until something like that gets fixed. Of course, I don’t know how to fix it and I’m in way over my head. Add onto that the latent anxiety and everything else going on, it’s hard for me to even get started to write some days.

It’s so hard for me to be reliable in posting both for other priorities and abilities. I’m sure that’s hurt my efforts in getting any consistent readership and following. It’s not so much just my time (that six-year notification came on 04/27!), but my ability to write from a mental standpoint. I can definitely say that writing is one of my weak points. It takes me way too long to formulate something to do and too long to write things. Where others take an hour or two (or less!), I seem to take ten. Glory doesn’t belong to me, and I can say anything good that ever has happened from any of these posts I’ve made or things I’ve done in real life because of my own efforts, but because of His.

This brings me to a question I’ve never figured out in that six years: How to position your audience to what you’re writing. In every case, a particular audience has found me more than my writing finding an audience. The last audience that found me was one called the “manosphere”, largely in response to my posts about marriage and female supremacy (feminism) within the churches. But I couldn’t say it was a “Christian” audience that came with it that heard what was there. Of course, so much wasn’t heard by the readers at all.

In a sense, this paragraph will serve as an introduction since I’ve picked up a small audience of Book Review devotees on this go-around. While I appreciate your continued readership, an explanation is in order. My blog writings, taken as a whole, have to do primarily with Christianity and the errant teachings of the church. Books written by Christian authors are easily reflective of the typical teachings and waywardness of the average church today, so I’ll continue to post about books in some degree. But don’t be surprised if you see something a whole lot different, too.

Not doing well with positioning for an intended audience poses trouble, as I can’t say too many of the eyes and ears that need to find what I’ve written have. This is a special concern for the book I’m working on and want to finish and hopefully see the light of day. While proceeding at a glacial pace, I still have a lot of interest in seeing it get done, especially since the need has definitely been placed on my heart by many examples of waywardness.

The obvious problem right now is finishing the text (blog or book), but shopping it has always been my biggest concern. The question of money in relationship to the blog or anything Christian has always been a problem for anything I’ve written. Given the tendency of people to push for what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear, the issue of paying money has a way of ensnaring someone into serving men rather than serving God. After all, one can not profess the truth when they are being paid to not do it. One thing that I’ve been taught in the course of doing the blog is that a lot of truth is actively being denied in this day and age.

Of course, the problem with having 384 posts of an average length of 1000-1500 words is that a lot of it can also be organized into books of varying degrees of interest since these were often single topic. I often thought of restoring all of those posts to this blog, but the problem is gaining organization over it and then randomly pulling the ones that have something to do with any book text that might be prepared.

So money at every point of the line seems to be an unquestioned issue. If not my time I’m devoting to trying to find enough of it to survive, it’s not having the time after that I might otherwise want to post and do as much as I would like to find an audience and really make blogging worth it. Or serve full-time in the flesh somewhere. And then money always has strings attached to it, especially when it comes to any kind of preaching and teaching venture. The last thing I want to do is compromise the message and Gospel as so many other people have in this day and age.

As I can’t say most of the level of my problems are normal in comparison to anyone else’s, I can definitely say the question of money and survival in this world trying to devote yourself to the Lord after you’ve been shown just how wicked everything is in the churches isn’t a unique problem either. But I can’t say I have any solid answers on how to proceed in so many ways. All I can do is do what I know to do.

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