(This is a finished post that was in the edit queue of the Society of Phineas. There are a very large number of spots that demand self-linking for further explanation, including a review of the mentioned book but at this point it’s not possible. Hopefully the main point of this post still comes out, even if some of the concepts aren’t readily evident.)
One thing I’ve noted in trying to fix some of my life problems is that a lot of literature points to low self-esteem, leading me to seek a better definition of the issue. Then, add what both DonalGraeme and Deep Strength has written, this post in the old Society of Phineas edit queue seemed good to start with in pushing them out.
When it comes to self-esteem, traditional marriage seems to be a good place to start to illustrate the problems with the idea, because as Deep Strength posts:
There has been many a pastor nowadays who say that “insecurity is a sin” or in other words “a lack of self esteem is a woman’s greatest sin.” After all, insecurity supposedly leads to low self worth. Men, of course, are parroted with the typical sins of pride, lust, greed, and so on. However, the source of women’s’ greatest sin issue is a lack of self esteem generated from insecurity.
Of course, all this is bunk.
All of this has been documented and explained extensively in a very large number of posts in the past, including the entire genesis of these things via traditional marriage and traditional gender roles. These things are illustrated even in literature put out by typical traditional marriage defenders (“The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, for one instance out of many), for those who have fully taken the red-pill. This diagram illustrates it pictorially.
Insecurity Comes From The Failure of Our Own Expectations
The state of being outside of God is what is common to both cases, and most of us in general. Insecurity is not a temptation, but that indication of being outside of God’s love. In other words, when we step outside of Him and put faith in ourselves and other people, as is done with traditional marriage and gender roles, insecurity is inevitable.
Insecurity comes in a woman when people do not see her as beautiful (“Do these jeans make me look fat?”), when they do not bow down to her wishes and serve her, do not affirm her thoughts and desires, and generally do not treat her as she is used to being treated. She cries that she is not being “honored” or “respected”, and men flock to her with discussion of how to “build confidence in her” – read praise her as the exalted goddess she is. Buoying up a woman in her apostate state of being made equal to God becomes another function of “protecting” her.
Insecurity comes in a man when he does not find usefulness in his life to others, or the approval of others in his life for his efforts. When he can not do things, gain the approval of women, or gain the continued approval of his wife, his life becomes insecure and worthless. He dare not voice his concerns for having more derision heaped upon him for not being a “real man”, who should just shut up and do what he is told. He dare not even express his own wishes or dreams for having them being dashed by his wife, for a “good man” does nothing but his wife’s will. After all, insecurity in men is a good thing in the system of traditional marriage as it keeps him striving on the hamster wheel to serve his goddess and place himself into the role of chattel for the fire.
Inevitably, instead of being content with God’s love, value, and protection, people always seek their own desires. “If only this would happen…” “If only he would…” “If only she would…” “…then I would get what I want and be happy!” Our own expectations always get in the way of God. As the Scriptures say:
What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. (Romans 3:9-12)
If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:1-3)
There is nothing good within ourselves outside of God, and to that end, the proper response to Christ in faith is to die to self so Christ may live (as baptism illustrates). To that effect:
For the true Christian, there is no such thing as self-esteem or self-worth.
Our Value Is In God, Not in Self Or Others
So what of worth? Worth comes in affirmation of Christ in one’s life through living in His truth and seeking His approval alone. If anything it should be Christ-esteem and not self-esteem. It is well noted that God is truth (John 14:6), God’s word is truth that sanctifies us (John 17:17), and that if one lives outside of it, they are not in God’s love for He can never deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13-14). This is well illustrated by Matthew 7:24-27 – if you are insecure, you are standing in the sand outside of God’s love.
The proper thing to do within the churches is to affirm the true and equal value of each other as creations of Christ instead of reinforcing traditional gender roles. When all become equally loved and equally valuable within the sight of God, and when all are put under the same requirements (for man and woman are nothing different before God), simple insecurity and many other issues fix themselves. Others in the churches can have an important function in this regard, for the Church is supposed to exist to encourage and exhort ALL believers, not reinforce the ways of men and turn all the creations of God into chattel that is only fit for the fire.
A closing meditation on the topic:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)