Marriage and Child Alpha

One of the things pointed out in the definition of principles of traditional feminism is the idea that the results of feminism on women involve female infantilization. While the concept itself has not been explored much here beyond its existence, understanding that a woman has been morally conditioned to avoid any kind of responsibility with the blessing of society is incumbent to understanding the red pill of relationships. As described:

(2013-10-23) feminist-model

When you allow a young woman to remain undisciplined and shield her from the consequences of her own wrong actions, rationalizing them to be right, you get a feral woman. When you raise a young woman to feel entitled to have men shoulder all her responsibilities for her, you get a woman that hasn’t grown up. When girls aren’t trained up in the way they should go before God by doting fathers worshiping their daughters, you get the perpetuation of feminism.

To a certain extent, almost all grown women remain children in some respect. In this respect, a man does not seek an equal adult partner in traditional marriage, but Child Alpha – with the expectation that he must provide for her, care for her and see that she is not harmed by her own actions (this is those “traditional sex roles” coming out). As stated, this is the facet of tradcon feminism that modern feminism has sought most to eliminate, so it becomes hard for us to see this fully (this was more fully visible about 100 years ago).

Chiefly, this has to do with physical and moral responsibilities, which are still standing. A man must unconditionally provide for a woman, even if she can provide for herself. If not a specific man, the government must do it, thereby making all men pay. A woman must never be made to take responsibility for her own actions. A man must change his own flat while a woman gets out and waits for a man to do it. Of course, a woman never sins or is at fault for anything by her absolute moral authority. If a husband cheats, he’s a dirty bastard. If a wife cheats, poor dear that awful man pushed her into it!

So a man ends up with an enigma on his hands he must deal with: A woman who has absolute moral authority over him. One who knows what is best in all situations, whose will must be followed unconditionally as a Bride of Christ. Yet she is one who can not exercise responsibility for her own decisions and must be protected from herself and from the world. Heaven forbid that the consequences of her actions fall upon her head! Society and the woman herself will take numerous opportunities to remind a man of such things, even if they are not true (for instance the “rape culture”). It is to his own peril if he does not heed those things. This comes out in the idea that men believe women do not have “moral agency” or have “limited moral agency”.

While these things can and will be explored in future posts, talk of marriage often reveals such childish attitudes in women. The article 6 Biggest Regrets Most Women Have From Their Relationship After Marriage is illustrative of such things, perhaps more so since it is reflective of a more traditional culture. Note the opening sentence, which in itself will burn out the Hamsterlator:

As marriage unites a woman with the man of her dreams, it brings a lot of happiness in her life. The beautiful experiences, like being pampered by her husband, having someone to rely on for everything, being praised for anything done by her, and so many more things like these, simply make her feel exhilarated.

One could pick apart each phrase – it’s so loaded with feminist entitlement. But it’s very accurate as to what marriage is in the heart of the average woman, and can explain how women throw marriages away so easily for being “bored and unhaaaaapy”. But the message comes out:

It’s all about her and what she wants.

It’s a very child-like and immature view of marriage, or any kind of commitment. This comes out in the list of post-marriage regrets:

#1. I am not getting enough space
#2. I am not the same person anymore
#3. Wanted some more time to enjoy life
#4. Didn’t want kids so early
#5. Lost touch with friends
#6. Could have given my ex a second chance

Common thread: You mean something is expected of the woman? That it’s not her choice alone anymore in how to live life? That she might have to change or make certain sacrifices in the name of real compromise (and not feminine compromise that comes out in counseling – translated by all to mean “the woman’s way”)? That she might not get to EPL anymore? That she might have to buckle down and raise kids? That her friends might fade away? That she couldn’t take that second ride on the Carousel with that hot alpha?

If anything is underscored when it comes to the idea of responsibilities, sacrifice, or even honoring her vows, it’s how *horrible* it is for a woman to live up to those things. Hence the responsibility shifting to men, and the rights shifting to women. After all, she’s a powerful and independent woman, who should have it all when she wants it! And it’s her husband’s job to provide it for her!

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Proclaimed Christians Aren’t All Christ Followers

One of the interesting things I’ve been following in recent days is the reaction to a post that NYCPastor put up entitled 10 Women Christian Men Shouldn’t Marry. In some respects, I found this post a complete surprise given what I expected from a graduate of the SBTS by Albert Mohler’s writings.

While I could strain some gnats on the post, Dr. Kim does a fantastic job in the course of counseling men on the choice of a woman to marry.

The more interesting and instructive thing is the reaction the post got. I noted this originally in that it is hard to escape that there is a prominent disconnect within Christianity as it is practiced in the United States. Dr. Kim points this out himself:

The case, however, is different for the self-proclaiming Christian man/woman. The Christian is called to believe in the inerrancy, sufficiency, authority, and infallibility of the Bible. For if we don’t believe in the Bible, we have no Christianity to speak of. This much is elementary.
. . .
If I’m an extreme radical for simply quoting the Bible verbatim, then I am afraid to see what “normative” Christianity looks like. Yet, sadly, this woman’s comment represents so many of the vitriolic responses that came from the “evangelical Christian community.” Which brings us to the conclusion that instead of changing the world, the Church–by and large–is becoming very much like the world. The Word of God is too narrow a road to follow in this age of gay-marriage and unwed motherhood (seems like the homosexuals are the only ones interested in getting married nowadays).

The interesting part out of all of this is that Dr. Kim is probably just discovering how the typical church really is in how it has departed from the real Jesus of Nazareth. Some lessons to be taken from those comments:

1. Women and a great number of men as well are not Christians even though they believe themselves to be. Rather the women follow The High Holy Hamster in the person of the Personal Jesus. To that end, the Hamster’s machinations guide her every thought and action, to the point that the will of “Jesus” is hers. It can best be thought of as the perfect romance where “Jesus” affirms her in every thought and every action. Those sins are gone, including all the consequences, and everyone else better recognize it.

How do you like me now that you know me, Dr. Kim?
How do you like me now that you know me, Dr. Kim?

This should not be mistaken to be anything but a different gospel (Galatians 1:6-10). Such is what you get with the typical false gospel that’s been going around. One that doesn’t focus on the insufficiency of men before God, but one that emphasizes connectedness (hearkening both to Gnosticism and the Goddess Cult) instead. Such is the Personal Jesus, the one that you have a personal relationship with.

2. Men are to listen to the women as if they speak the very word of God Himself – this is their function of following the Personal Jesus. This was NYC Pastor’s sin that drew all the responses. He didn’t know his place as a “good man” recognizing his need for absolution for being born a man. His proper function was to affirm women in all their thoughts and actions, and he failed in doing that by bringing the real Jesus into play. This constant affirmation of women despite their sins leads to the very thought in the modern church that women are without sin, which plays out constantly in the realm of marriage counseling and from the pulpit where mothers, even fornicating single mothers, are constantly affirmed, and fathers and husbands are constantly torn down for things they didn’t even do.

3. This is reflected in hearing them talk about “love” and “grace”, instead of matters of discipleship, or loving Jesus. Love, instead of being something one does in view of the truth of God becomes “feeling loved”. In other words, when they say “Jesus loves me”, they really mean “Jesus makes me feel loved”. Love is about feelings instead of deed and truth. Grace is along the same lines. Grace means “I can do whatever I want and no consequences shall come to me.” This refrain is all too common from women.

Therein, Jesus proclaims his friends as those who “do whatsoever I command you” (John 15:14) and those that love him “keep my commandments” (John 14:15) and puts the premium on hearing his sayings and doing them (Matthew 7:24-27). John furthermore lays doctrine as the measure (2 John 9) of whether you have Jesus, and Paul lays out that if you have grace to cease sinning (Romans 6). This is warped by the Personal Jesus (as they never accepted the real one in the first place) into self-esteem and personal affirmation. Therefore women are without sin and are not broken or failed. Most of the commenters affirmed that they hate Jesus.

4. Therefore, since women are without sin (and therefore have absolute authority as the Vicars of Christ) and men are base depraved creatures who are incapable of nothing but sin, they have the authority to both approve the standards that they have on men as husbands, and the standards by which men may judge women as wives. This was the major affront (i.e. unbiblical) in the minds of most of the commenters that posted as self-professed Christians. Since they are without sin, they get the right to pick and choose what is “biblical”. They do not follow Christ, but rather their own selves.

5. This is rank naked truthful feminism we are witnessing in action in the comment section – in other words female-supremacist hatred. Most are blind to it for numerous reasons (namely it’s coming from a moral stance), and deceptions (namely that it has to do with “equality”). But in other words, it’s pure naked rebellion against the Father on full display. The sad state of the Church as illustrated in so many places puts Matthew 7:21-23 in full view. There will be those that will cry “Lord Lord” and he will say “away from me evildoer, I never knew you”.

6. Given the haughty nature of most Christian women, as illustrated through feminism, women do not have to consider what they have to offer when dealing with men. Other women, men, and society at large enable them in doing this. They don’t have anything to offer, and furthermore don’t even conceive that they have to offer anything to a man in order for him to wife him up. In fact, her mere Glorious Presence is enough. Again the church and society supports them in this thinking. Women have rights, men have responsibilities. This explains the disproportionate response Dr. Kim received to his article addressing the men about their wives, compared to the one addressing women about their husbands. As Dr. Mohler teaches us himself, you’re supposed to leave the women alone in their sin, but you’re supposed to sock it to the men, no matter whether the men are at fault or not.

As Dr. Kim states, it’s a sad testimony that the atheists are the ones that get what is going on the most right in the responses he received:

Now, granted, I know what these sly atheists are trying to do. However, I couldn’t help but notice the sad irony in all this. Whereas I was receiving false charges by “Christians” that I was misinterpreting the Bible to falsely make my case, it was the atheist who saw through all that nonsense and correctly saw that I was simply and accurately just repeating what the Bible plainly said.

The sad testimony of the church today, is simply that: It’s supposed to stand for something, namely transmitting and enforcing the doctrines of Jesus of Nazareth, but in seeking to please the feminist doctrine, it has fallen to the point that it stands for nothing but rank hypocrisy. Sick sad world isn’t it, when the atheists are against Christianity for what the Bible says, and the “Christians” are against Christianity because they don’t know and won’t accept what the Bible says.

Being in a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car. There are those that will appropriate the name but will have nothing to do with the real Jesus of Nazareth. Do not expect that He will have anything to do with you, if this is the case.

And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth? (Luke 18:7-8)

Real Worship: Jesus is King, Not Boyfriend by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.


Christian Men’s Defense Network
Real Worship: Jesus is King, Not Boyfriend by BSkillet81
Posted on May 11, 2012

As I write this I am listening to Fernando Ortega’s performance of “Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence,” an ancient liturgical hymn written in the 4th century AD. We evangelicals are poorer for having jettisoned songs like this from our worship services.

The introductory verse sets the table for this song, and is itself a study in what isn’t present in today’s eros-infused personal Jesus love songs:

Let all mortal flesh keep silence,
And with fear and trembling stand;
Ponder nothing earthly minded,
For with blessing in His hand,
Christ our God to earth descendeth,
Our full homage to demand.

This is a song of reverence and awe at Christ Jesus, the majestic God-Man. In this ancient hymn, Jesus does not come to us to give us warm fuzzies. He does not come to pitch woo. Rather, “Christ our God to earth descendeth, our full homage to demand.”

I compare this to the words of Paul at the Areopagus: “Therefore, having overlooked the times of ignorance, God now commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30). The message is identical.

This song draws us to repentance, demanding we come to God with “fear and trembling.” It is, today, popular to speak of how we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence” (Hebrews 4:16), even if this specific text isn’t used. God, we now think, is all about niceness and permissiveness. Jesus is our personal savior now, meaning He has only the personality we choose to ascribe to Him.

But here we lose the power of tension and dichotomy in God’s word. (Since tension and dichotomy are masculine ideas, it is no wonder they are gone from our services.) We approach the throne of grace with confidence, because we at the same time approach with “fear and trembling.”

Our faith is not in a permissive and weak “personal Jesus,” but in a powerful Divine King who is jealous for His power, might, and authority. He is a King who–like all true and good Kings–is fiercely pursuant of His own glory, and therefore, He is one who “resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Pet. 5:5).

It is this majestic picture of Jesus as King and Lord that inspired the worship of the early church. But where in evangelical-dom today have you seen worship even remotely similar to the true worship described in Revelation 4:8-11?

Each of the four living creatures had six wings; they were covered with eyes around and inside. Day and night they never stop,saying:

Holy, holy, holy,
Lord God, the Almighty,
who was, who is, and who is coming.

Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor, and thanks to the One seated on the throne, the One who lives forever and ever, the 24 elders fall down before the One seated on the throne, worship the One who lives forever and ever, cast their crowns before the throne, and say:

Our Lord and God,
You are worthy to receive
glory and honor and power,
because You have created all things,
and because of Your will
they exist and were created.

So we contrast the above with our modern worship services that describe the personal Jesus as a 19 year-old girl’s boyfriend, and we still wonder that men have abandoned our churches? We could make miles of headway with men just by returning to singing Luther’s “A Mighty Fortress” even once in a while.

But, this morning, I’m at least thankful that I can still get “Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence” on iTunes.


[One comment was linked.]

Comment #856
ballista74 says: May 12, 2012 at 12:21 am

ballista74: So you are saying that it isn’t Biblical to refer to the Church as the Bride of Christ? I don’t see how you can argue that bridal imagery (which is more or less the ultimate in romantic love) isn’t laced throughout the Gospels and the Epistles.

No, I’m saying eros love is Biblically inappropriate to anything to do with God, including its use in songs. It’s impossible to prove a lack of presence of anything, but one can take the exercise to look at the New Testament definitions of “love”. The one almost exclusively used is agape in describing the love for the Father or the Son. Not eros, which is where we get the word “erotic”, which relates to carnal, physical, sexual intents. Given the nature of such things, it doesn’t even make sense on the face of it to even go there.

The justification people use to do this is as you write. The misinterpretation of Scriptural references to “the Bride Groom” and “the Bride of Christ” to justify bridal mysticism has happened for a very long time (since about 1200AD or so), but only has gotten common for the last 20-30 years due to the rise of the “Jesus is my boyfriend” gospel and the desire to express it. This is due to the assigning of bodily sexual characteristics to the historical use of gender identifiers, as well as an endemic misunderstanding of the symbolic meaning of marriage. I’ll defer to Leon Podles (read Chapters 5-6) for a more in-depth view of this.

To summarize, though, if you study Roman languages (Spanish for example), you’ll note pretty quickly that different words that relate to both people and inanimate objects are classified as masculine or feminine and the language changes to denote these classifications. For example, “the pencil” is “el lapiz”, while “the table” is “la mesa”. This is due to the application of the historical use of gender, understanding of which has been destroyed in the last 50 years due to feminism.

Since God, His Church, and anything else to do with Him are not corporeal, it’s impossible to relate them at all to physical sexual characteristics. God is referred to as Father, Jesus in His ascendant state is still referred to as Son, believers (men and women) are referred to as “sons of God”, and the collection of these are referred to as the “bride of Christ”.


So Your Christian Wife Cheated – Part 3: Pitfalls by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.


Christian Men’s Defense Network
So Your Christian Wife Cheated – Part 3: Pitfalls by BSkillet81
Posted on April 13, 2012

In Part 1 of this series, I dealt with getting into the right spiritual mindset. In Part 2 I dealt with understanding and combating the threat of shame. Now, we need to deal with pitfall avoidance. There are a lot of pitfalls, some emotional, some relational, and some practical.

The first pitfall to avoid is to not fall for any blame-shifting tricks your wife might throw at you. If your experience is true to a common pattern (one I also experienced), she’s been telling you for weeks or months that she is “unhaaaaapy” in the marriage, and that you need to change. She might even have threatened divorce if you didn’t change.

This is very common. In fact, you might even be in marriage therapy right now to deal with your alleged shortcomings. This is a major pitfall you need to identify and avoid: She isn’t telling you all this stuff because you are really a bad husband. She isn’t going to therapy with you because you need to change for the sake of the marriage. She isn’t threatening divorce because she’s unhaaaapy.

Rather, she’s doing all of these things because she needs you to take the blame for her sin. If you google “christian wife cheated” or something similar, you will find multiple stories where the guy is going to therapy with his wife and then finds out she was cheating. Or you’ll find stories about how she was complaining about the marriage, and then he found out she was unfaithful.

In fact, this is exactly what happened to me with my ex-wife. For a month and a half before I found out the truth, I was repeatedly instructed that I had to change for the sake of the marriage. This kind of thing isn’t a coincidence. She needs you to buy into her own personal fantasy that her actions were somehow justified.

Don’t do it. She has to admit that the current crisis in the marriage was caused by her own lack of self-control, not by you being a bad husband. She must admit this, both for her own spiritual health, and because your marriage cannot survive unless she does. Repentance results in healing. Unrepentance results in self-destruction.

Furthermore, if you admit to being the chief problem, she will lose all respect for you. I know, this sounds really bizarre, but it’s how female psychology works. She needs a man who is strong and tough, who can stand up to threats and remain stable. She needs a man who can stand up even to her, because if her man cannot stand up to a woman who is clearly in the wrong, how could she trust him to stand up to bigger threats? So don’t do it. Don’t be a pansy.

Second, if you are currently seeing a marriage therapist, stop. This is the opposite advice of what most Christians will give you. But if your wife brought you to the counselor under false pretenses, then continuing the counseling relationship is buying in to your wife’s scheme.

Instead, if you want to go to a counselor, find a male Christian counselor of conservative theological disposition. I say male because, as the victimized party, you need someone who can empathize with the kinds of emotions a man feels when his spouse cheats. I say “of conservative theological disposition” because you do not want to go to a counselor who is a feminist white knight mangina. While being conservative doesn’t make it impossible to be a white knight, it at least lowers the probability. It also increases the odds that the counselor believes in ideas like sin, guilt, and (again) repentance.

Third, you need to avoid a false concept of forgiveness. This is really, really important. I forgave my ex-wife very shortly after she told me she had been unfaithful. I did this, not for her sake, but because it is my duty to my Lord as one for whom He has shed His blood. If Jesus died so that I might be forgiven, who am I to not forgive my wife?

But forgiveness is not a feeling. You can forgive your wife and still be angry as hell at her. In time, as you ask God to give you a heart that backs up your decision to forgive, He will. But forgiveness is just that, a decision. It is an act of the will, nothing more or less. It is, as one friend put it, “Giving up your right to a better past.”

Forgiveness is also not reconciliation. This is a very common misunderstanding among Christians. Just because you forgive your wife, doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t over. It doesn’t mean divorce is out of the picture. Instead, it means you take your hands (metaphorically) off her throat.

So do not seek any form of revenge. Divorce isn’t revenge, and if you decide to pursue divorce for the purpose of revenge, you’re making a big mistake. Now, not all Christians agree on when–if ever–divorce is permissible. As a Protestant, I hold to the usual Protestant interpretation that it is only permissible in case of adultery (with the possible exception of physical abuse creating a “divorce for personal safety, but no remarriage” situation). Adultery is the very case you’re in right now.

But my point is, regardless of your personal beliefs about divorce, when you forgive your wife, it doesn’t mean you’ve reconciled the marriage. Forgiveness is a necessary, but not a sufficient, condition for reconciliation. Fourth, don’t assume she isn’t already planning to divorce you. She might very well be. That’s why you have to be pro-active here. There are some vital practical steps you need to think about (h/t to Man for the Ages for some of these):

  • First, if you have a joint checking account, I would immediately go to the bank and put half the cash (your half) into your own personal account. The internet is chock full of stories of a woman emptying a joint account after her husband confronted her about an affair.
  • Next, never move out. If you move out now, chances are you will never get your house back. She’ll divorce you and, posession being 9/10ths of the law, you’re out of luck.
  • If the two of you separate for a period of time, and you have kids, do not let her take the kids. Do you hear me!?! Do not let her take the kids. You will never get custody if she does. And she might very well take them half-way across the country, and your relationship with your kids will never be the same.
  • Be clear to her, if you decide to separate, that since she was the one who stepped out, you are staying in the house (assuming you want the house in this market) and the kids (if you have any) are staying with you.
  • Keep a journal of everything that happens, including time spent with kids. This is good both as a record should things get ugly from a legal standpoint, and as a means to organize your thoughts and enable you to remember facts and events. The latter will be important in the healing process. Don’t tear pages out of the journal. If you need it in court, doing so will make it suspect.
  • Do not go blabbing to just anyone. For one, you may not know who she cheated with (and it might be more than one guy). So who knows if one of the people you tell is her lover. For two, some of the people you tell might be her friends and they might clue her in as to your thoughts. For three, it can get you in legal hot water if you’re not careful. So stick with immediate family members for now.

These are some basic guidelines on pitfalls to avoid. This isn’t an exhaustive list. In general, it is a good idea to 1) use common sense; 2) realize that, as an adulteress, your wife is not trustworthy, and she must work to earn back your trust; and 3) keep up the 3 P’s. Those three rules will help you avoid a lot of problems.

Update: Reader 7man has this sage advice to add:

Another financial thing is to have your paycheck deposited your personal account (in a different bank) and then make transfers into her account (or the joint account). Also make sure to get a credit card only in your name.

So Your Christian Wife Cheated – Part 2: Shame Control by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.


Christian Men’s Defense Network
So Your Christian Wife Cheated – Part 2: Shame Control by BSkillet81
Posted on April 7, 2012

So your Christian wife cheated on you. The first post in this series dealt with getting you in the right spiritual mindset: God has your back. Now, you need to deal with preparing for the emotional journey.

First, be prepared for the fact that this is going to hurt. A lot. For a long time. This isn’t going to clear itself up in a couple of days like an Athlete’s Foot infection. You will sometimes feel like an emotional train wreck. You will sometimes feel utterly alone, even when you’re with friends or family. You will sometimes feel like God has totally abandoned you (but He hasn’t, trust me). Like the damned crew of the Black Pearl in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean, you will sometimes feel absolutely nothing. Numb. Unable to either laugh or sink into despair.

And you will sometimes feel red-hot, blazing anger.

It’s okay to be angry. Christians today will tell you anger is never justified. And yet they claim to serve a Lord who actually chased people out of the Temple with a whip like a mad man. Ignore all that. Be angry, but do not sin.

Next, you need to be clear that this is not your fault. Shame will be a constant threat to you. And you must not let the Devil shame you. Cling to God and resist the Devil.

Your wife especially will try to shame you. She will try to tell you she did this because she was “unhaaaaapy,” because you don’t listen to her, because you don’t communicate well, because you don’t keep the house clean (my ex-wife tried all of these). That’s baloney.

Here you need understand your first bit of female psychology. Women often have a wee little furry rationalization hamster in their heads. In the face of facts, truth, reason, or logic that point to the woman’s guilt, her little rationalization hamster will get in its hamster wheel and run as fast as it can away from reality. But it will never get anywhere. It’s stuck in a hamster wheel. So she will only go in circles.

Often, such a woman’s rationalization hamster will create the idea in her head that she did such and such because she was unhappy. She’ll do this after the fact as a way to rationalize in her mind what she did. She won’t even realize she did it. In actual fact, she might have been really happy right up until some suave, muscular, rich, charming, and exciting man said hello and started to flirt with her. But after the fact, she will create the idea in her own mind that she wasn’t happy the whole time.

No, the Bible gives us only one reason that she cheated on you: Lust. Rank, disgusting, vile, perverted lust. Women lust too, even though, again, a lot of Christian pastors don’t ever mention that. They only like to talk about guys who look at porn, never about women who commit lust that leads to infidelity. Some of it is innocent on the pastors’ part: Because the female version of lust is much more emotionally driven than the male version, it is much easier to confuse for real love. And pastors are at a disadvantage in understanding this because, like you, they’re dudes.

If a Christian man cheats, other Christians will tell you that it was lust in your heart and you need to own that and repent of it and exercise self-control. They’re right, too. Should be the same speech for a woman.

But if the woman is the one who cheats, a large number of them will say something like, “The fact that she felt a need to cheat indicates there was some deeper issue in the marriage that you both need to work together to solve.” Baloney. She felt a need to cheat? Yeah, just like when a guy sees a hot blond with a low-cut top and feels a need to fantasize about having sex with her. Seriously. How stupid do they think you are?

This is the truth. There is no shame. She is the one at fault. Think about these things before moving on.

So Your Christian Wife Cheated on You – Part 1 by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.


Christian Men’s Defense Network
So Your Christian Wife Cheated on You – Part 1 by BSkillet81
Posted on April 6, 2012

So you are a Christian man, and you just found out your Christian wife cheated on you. I’ve been there, man. It is the worst feeling I’ve ever known. I really feel awful for you. When it happened to me, I literally felt like someone had reached in and torn the heart right out of my chest. Before it happened, I used to read descriptions like that and think the person writing them was exaggerating, engaging in hyperbole. No. That is what it feels like.

First, take a deep breath. Reflect on this for a second: In brotherly love, your Lord, while you were still His enemy, gave His life as a sacrifice for you. Because of Him, there is nothing that can now or ever separate you from the power, protection, and fatherly love of Your Father in Heaven (Rom. 8:38-39). God has your back.

Now, let me explain things to you like they are. When it happened to me, there was almost nothing out there to give me Christian guidance on what to do about it. Almost nothing. And what was there, was, I discovered in retrospect, based on a false understanding of psychology and, even worse, a false understanding of Biblical marriage and sexuality.

Almost all the stuff I found was about a guy cheating, not the woman cheating. This is despite the fact that female marital infidelity is a growing trend within the Christian community, one that the church refuses to deal with and likes to paper over. In our society, women are almost as likely to cheat on their spouses as men, but there’s next to nothing out there to help a Christian man deal with that.

Which is why I wrote this. It’s a little something to guide you through the process. It may not be perfect, but it’s a heck of a lot more than you’ll get from Focus on the Family or other “Christian” institutions, many of whom have given themselves over to latent Christian feminism or faulty unbiblical views of marriage. So calm down and pay attention. Again, God has your back. Trust me. He had mine, even though it took me a long time to realize that.

A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
–Psalm 91:7

The Devil is trying to get at you, to weaken your resolve to abide in quiet faith to your Lord and King. But he isn’t trying to get at your marriage. He already got at your marriage when he got at your wife. There’s nothing you can do about that now. You are his next target. It might be possible for your marriage to continue, but realize the Devil already got it, and you’re now starting over. But in this, remember the words of the famous hymn written by Martin Luther:

And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure,
For lo, his doom is sure;
One little word shall fell him.

God’s got your back.

But now you have some homework: Bible reading. I suggest a regular daily dose of the three P’s: Psalms, Proverbs, and Paul.

Psalms because David often writes of being under attack, and of God’s salvation and protection against that attack. You are under attack, so you need the encouragement and strength of the Psalms as you struggle against the “principalties and powers” of the Devil.

Proverbs because there Solomon talks of the importance of wisdom. You will need wisdom in your life more now than you ever have before. Solomon also talks a great deal about how to avoid the wiles of a sexually immoral woman. Your wife, as hard as it is to admit, is such a woman, and her wiles can be powerful, tearing you and your family down to please her sinful passions. “For a prostitute’s fee is only a loaf of bread, but an adulteress goes after a precious life” (Prov. 6:26). You need wisdom.

Paul because he was, as theologian F.F. Bruce called him, the “apostle of the heart set free.” Paul is the apostle of joy, redemption, and hope. And you need these three. Ephesians and Colossians are good choices, since they focus on God’s eternal love for us and Christ’s pre-eminence, power, love, and glory. Finally, I especially suggest regular reading and re-reading of Romans 8.

The three P’s are vital to success. This was one area I personally lacked, and I wished I had been mindful of my P’s in order to help the healing process.

Now that you are hopefully in the right spiritual mindset, the next post in this series will focus on helping you get in the right emotional mindset.

What an LJBF We Have in Jesus…by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.


Christian Men’s Defense Network
What an LJBF We Have in Jesus… by BSkillet81
Posted on July 6, 2012

Rock Throwing Peasant, a regular commenter here on CMD-N, recently had this prescient comment on the thread Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa:

Oh, man, I just had a realization that is leaving me mildly nauseous (seriously). What if the analogy is not “Boyfriend Jesus,” but rather “LJBF Jesus?” The emotional dumping, failure to commit, brings all the boyfriend problems to Him to hear. We have an expression that goes with that practice.

I think he is on to something here. Generally, in Churchianity today Jesus is in part described as the divine boyfriend. EAPs are taught that Jesus died for them because they, the EAPs, are so incredibly awesome that their personal Jesus just couldn’t stand to be apart from them for even a minute. Or, in other words, “Jesus has oneitis for you!”

This, of course, is in contrast to the Biblical Gospel, laid out in the New Testament, in which God is justified in His wrath at our total sinful rebellion against Him, and yet by grace and for His glory alone, He died on the Cross in the person of Jesus Christ to redeem us from the curse of death and hell and to conform us to the image of the Son. It was not our inherent awesomeness, uniqueness, moxie, or what have you, that made Jesus want to die for us. It was His goodness and grace and righteousness.

But the more I think about it, the more I agree with RTP that there is another way that the false personal Jesus is often presented to EAPs in modern Christian circles: The holy emotional tampon in the sky.

For those of you who are new to the red pill, the emotional tampon works like this: A guy (presumably a poor unwitting beta) has the hots for some good-looking girl. He attempts to indicate his interest by courting her, but because he is an unexciting beta who doesn’t give her the tingles by his reckless disregard for social conventions and moral principles, she isn’t interested in dating him. So she’ll tell him, “Let’s just be friends [LJBF].”

From that moment on, the blue pill beta will often orbit around her, believing somehow that if he can show himself to be caring and compassionate and supportive, she will magically someday realize what a great guy he is and fall for him. This, of course, never happens.

But he still provide a vital service: He can be her emotional tampon. Whenever some alpha pumps and dumps her, she can go to this beta schlub and cry all over his shoulder. She’ll even say something like, “Why can’t more guys be sweet like you!”

He might think this is his cue to put the moves on her, but of course she doesn’t want a sweet guy like him. No, if she did, she would date him or one of his beta brethren. Rather, she wants someone there to affirm her, to spin her hamster and feed her appetite for emotional drama. The fact that he is an emotional tampon to her actually makes her less attracted to him, because it emasculates him in her eyes. She has a sort of mild contempt for him.

And this is, in some ways, how the false Jesus is presented to Churchian girls: He is the perfect holy emotional tampon. EAPs have LBJF’ed their personal Jesus. Whenever they get a turn on the carousel with some hot alpha cad, and get dumped off at the end, they go to their personal Jesus and tell him all their sorrows.

For his part, as the perfect LJBF beta schlub, their false Jesus will never, ever, ever say something like, “Well, maybe if you hadn’t fornicated with him in violation of my commandment, this never would have happened.” Their personal Jesus will often tell them, “Neither do I condemn you,” but unlike the true Jesus of the Bible, he will never tell her, “Go and sin no more.”

Pastors of course support this concept of the LJBF Jesus by their approach to female lust, hypergamy, and promiscuity within their churches: They respond by shaming those evil men who do this (even though said evil men are generally not present in the congregation, because EAPs won’t date most church-going men). They speak of the pump and dump as if it is entirely a wicked, evil man deceiving and victimizing an innocent, sinless, pure princess of God. The girl has no true moral accountability.

To maintain this impression, pastors must stay away from anything in the New Testament that presents Jesus as a figure of dominant authority. Never will the pastor talk about Jesus as one to whom we are morally bound to give total and complete obedience and submission. The EAP would never submit to and obey her orbiting beta emotional tampon. Who wants to follow someone like that?

Instead, the LJBF Jesus is just their infinite empathy dispenser. Unlike us mere mortals, the personal Jesus never runs out of empathy, never moves away to another town, never gets a girlfriend and stops orbiting, never tells her the truth. Most importantly, he never wises up and realizes he’s been had. No, he’s the perfect LJBF orbiter: He is always there to tell her how great she is, how justified she is in whatever she did, how perfect and awesome and pretty she is, how she never does anything wrong, how she deserves a perfect man who will worship her and treat her like the princess she is. And so on.

The LJBF Jesus is one of the favorites in the Churchian female pantheon of false Jesus’s: Put a coin in the offering plate and he’ll spin your hamster to your heart’s content.