20 Reasons Why Men Don’t Get Married

Now why is it that people can’t see why men are avoiding the plantation?

(2013-09-25) pack-mule

I came across this archived Reddit post written by someone calling themselves “TheMightyCheng”. He did a brilliant job, to the point that I really can’t improve upon it. Screen cap included of it below.

Men Who Don't Want To Get Married

Courting And The Evangelical American Princess by BSkillet81

Another repost from the now defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.

Christian Men’s Defense Network
Courting and the Evangelical American Princess by BSkillet81
Posted on May 4, 2012

Over at Haley’s Halo there is an interesting post and ensuing discussion about a young Christian girl who cannot seem to get even a boyfriend, let alone a husband.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. To love a man with the love God has given me for others is one thing I desire above all else. But I’ve yet remained “invisible.” Is something wrong with me? Every person I know tells me “Oh, you’re the sweetest person I know,” “You’re so loving,” and so forth. From others’ compliments I don’t think I’m hard to get along with, and I think I’m average looking.

I try to get myself involved with different social circles and activities, but I’m invisible. And the guy friends that I’ve thought, Maybe there is something here, end up dating other girls. I’m happy for them, but it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me? What is your suggestion for shaking this feeling of “something-must-be-wrong-with-me” syndrome that I seem to be struggling with?

My knee-jerk reaction is that this girl probably isn’t very good-looking. “You’re so sweet,” and “You’re so loving,” are things people say to girls who aren’t attractive. This may seem harsh, but life itself is harsh.

However, since she claims to be “average looking,” and most guys are willing to date “average looking” women (I’ve heard that most guys find 50% of all women are attractive enough to date, and it confirms my own experience), I’ll play along and work under the assumption that she isn’t ugly.

So why can’t she get a date?

To understand this, you need to understand the mind of the Evangelical American Princess (EAP). She is waiting for “God’s perfect man for her.” She believes she deserves a perfect man because she is a “daughter of the King” and “God’s special little princess.” As such, the only men she will ever notice are the top 20%, the “exciting” alpha guys with extreme good-looks, a six-pack, and a really hot car. These are the kinds of things she defines as “God’s perfect man.” Of course, these are not what God defines as an ideal man, but note the qualifier “God’s perfect man for her.” That last bit–for her–means she gets to define what is and isn’t perfect, and God is expected to play along.

But I’m fairly certain God isn’t a big fan of this kind of thinking.

At any rate, she thinks she’s “invisible” because none of these top 20% of men show interest in her or ask her on dates. These are the only men she ever notices. No doubt the girls who end up with these top 20% are both extremely good-looking and have a reputation for promiscuity, the two factors alpha males/cads value to the exclusion of everything else. So her hot and sexually-open friends get the alphas. She may indeed be “average looking,” which is good enough for the 80% of beta males, but her girlfriends are hotties, and that’s why they get the 20% alphas.

Which brings us to the next point. If any of these 80% of beta males show any kind of interest, the EAP will, at best, not even notice it. They do not fit her definition of perfection. Therefore, they are not “God’s perfect man for me.” So she has contempt for them. It doesn’t really matter what they do or how many high-quality “dad” characteristics these guys have. She simply won’t notice them.

She feels invisible because the beta males are invisible to her.

But is there hope for her? Note what she writes:

What is your suggestion for shaking this feeling of “something-must-be-wrong-with-me” syndrome that I seem to be struggling with?

As I have outlined, it is indeed entirely possible that “something must be wrong with me.” She doesn’t need to shake the syndrome, she needs to figure out if there is something wrong with her. As I have stated, it is entirely possible that what is wrong with her is that she is looking for the wrong kind of guy.

But the EAP is raised with her entire world revolving around her ”self-esteem,” which means she is incapable of truly valid self-criticism. Her solution is not to figure out what she should do differently. Her solution is to ask the editors of Boundless how to quiet her conscience and therefore save her from having to change. The EAP doesn’t want an answer. She wants affirmation that she’s perfect just the way she is.

Thus, the net result is that no one ever seeks her out. The attainable guys–the “dads, not cads”–are invisible to her, and she is invisible to the cads whom she lusts after. It is a catch 22 brought on by her being raised as an EAP with unrealistic expectations, unrealistic self-esteem, and a sense of entitlement.

Or she’s just ugly. Losing 20 pounds would work wonders.

A Woman’s Only God – Her Personal Jesus

In continuing the commentary on what Christian women are being taught (Part 1, Part 2), it’s inevitable that the topic of the Personal Jesus would come up in the course of the book Captivating. The definition and the effects of the false gospel of the Personal Jesus have already been discussed, so that won’t be focused on too much here (look for Related posts below for that).


What does prove interesting in Captivating is how the idea is seated in the average woman. In her pride and her undealt with desire for selfish love, she is left with a question when things start not going her way:

Many women feel that, by the way. We can’t put words to it, but down deep we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. If we were the princess, then our prince would have come. If we were the daughter of a king, he would have fought for us. We can’t help but believe that if we were different, if we were better, then we would have been loved as we so longed to be. It must be us. (1)

Of course with these women, it’s NEVER them. It’s not the woman that has failed. It’s always that someone failed them. This is especially of witness in how women are dealing with the rejection of their entitlement mentality in husbands – that he be the perfect combination of Brad Pitt’s body, George Clooney’s charm, Warren Buffett’s money, Billy Graham’s spirituality, and Chris Tomlin’s musical ability.

But there is an answer. God is there for her to provide her much needed validation of self, to make her feel good! Not the God who requires a cross, the one who we don’t measure up before, the one that equates love with obedience, but the God that romances her!

God longs to bring this [romance] into your life himself. He wants you to move beyond the childlike “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her” (Hos. 2:14). And “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride” (Song 4:9). Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, after all, what a woman was made for. (2)

For the root of all holiness is Romance. (2)

(2013-10-23) feminist-model

We can go one direction or the other in terms of which one came first, the demand that men make women feel good or the creation of the god that makes you feel good. Note that Scriptures have to be pulled (seriously) out of context for the justification that God cares about romance and not love. That God is there to be your personal servant, and not that you have been bought by His blood to serve Him. Nevermind that God wants us to find Him in our brokenness, to reveal Himself as the holy one because His ways are much greater than ours and that we fall short of being worthy of Him. Rather, than the Lord being holy because He is, He is holy because of romance – because He can make a woman feel good and satisfy all her desires.

If you’ll open your heart to the possibility, you’ll find that God has been wooing you ever since you were a little girl. Yes, we said earlier that the story of your life is the story of the long and sustained assault upon your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears you. But that is only part of the story. Every story has a villain. Every story also has a hero. The Great Love Story the Scriptures are telling us about also reveals a Lover who longs for you. The story of your life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most. (3)

Eve’s deception comes out. The “patriarchal” God, men, and everyone and everything else (read as “Satan”) is keeping her from being everything that she could be and satisfying all the desires in her heart. But never fear, the Personal Jesus is here! The one that knows all her desires and wants her to fulfill all those desires. The one who fulfills all those immature dreams in the romance novels and chick flicks. After all, the Personal Jesus is her!

[after telling the story about John getting a whale and her getting jealous, “I know you love John, Jesus, but do you love me too? … may I have a whale too?”]
I felt a little silly in asking, for I knew the truth–that God had already proven his love for me. He had sent his only Son, Jesus, to die for me (John 3:16). He had rescued me. He had paid the highest price imaginable for me. He had given me all of creation to speak of his great glory and love, and he had given me the Word of God in all its depth and beauty, and here I was, asking for more. And God loved it. God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all their hearts. He is an extravagant, abundant Lover, and he loves to reveal his heart to us again and again. (4)

Zup girl!  I'll make all your dreams tingles come true!
Zup girl! I’ll make all your dreams tingles come true!

Look at that! A God that sacrificed His Son for her (chivalry!). A God that gives her everything. And He loves it. The one that takes her out, makes grand romantic gestures. She is the Princess. She is the Queen. Even God is her mere servant, there to romance her, and make her feel good. This is the true feminine god, worthy of a prideful woman, the one who puts her as head over all. After all, she is Woman. She is the Crown of Creation. God is there to serve her and please her. After all, it’s not about discipleship. It’s not about sacrifice. It’s not about service. It’s not even about God’s true love. It’s about relationship. And the romance that comes with it. After all, Woman herself tells us this:

What a comfort to know that this universe we live in is relational at its core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us. If you have any doubt about that, simply look at the message he sent us in Woman. Amazing. Not only does God long for us, but he longs to be loved by us. Oh, how we’ve missed this. How many of you see God as longing to be loved by you? We see him as strong and powerful, but not as needing us, vulnerable to us, yearning to be desired. (5)

This is the heart of prideful arrogant Woman before the Lord. A heart of rebellion. It is no wonder that her marriage with the Personal Jesus is both the block, and the measure by which she judges all men. No man can ever measure up to her Personal Jesus, just as no man can flourish in a polygamous marriage with a wife who is also married to the Personal Jesus. The one given by the “message sent in Woman”. Instead of Onward Christian Soldier, it’s Jesus I’m So In Love With You. Given the hold that women have in modern churches today via traditional feminism, no wonder the rotten fruit of this god has torn up the churches.

The Objective JesusThe Personal JesusSubmission Is Whatever The Personal Jesus WantsCoronating Her Personal JesusRomancing The Personal JesusThe MSM Discovers The Personal Jesus

Image Source: Amazon.com

(1) Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge p 70. (2) ibid p 115. (3) ibid p 117. (4) ibid p 118. (5) ibid p 29-30.

A Woman’s Only Love – A Feral One

In continuing the commentary on what Christian women are taught through the book Captivating, as written by John and Stasi Eldredge, the topic turns to one that is pretty fitting for this day of Thanksgiving, the one of selfish love.


It’s not hard to argue that even the world is capable of loving, that the flesh is capable of loving. But that love is a selfish one. It shouldn’t be a question that a selfish love, one that makes me feel good, one that asks the other party, “what have you done for me lately?” doesn’t serve anyone in the long run. In fact, Christians are called to higher aims.

A good noble love stays despite the circumstances, and is present despite the circumstances. As I testified in my story about the truck, much of what we perceive is about our own attitudes. We can see that in the Israelites after they came out of Egypt as well as when they took the land. As part of our flesh, we tend to forget very readily what we have and what has been done for us – our love ceases. This is especially true in this day and age with entitled women. With them, it’s not only

“what have you done for me lately?” but also
“how have you made me feel good?”

This comes out in the perverted idea of romance, which came out in the 12th century to reinforce chivalry. It turned love from something expressed through action into actions that cause certain feelings. In other words, women seek to not be loved, but to feel loved. This leads us into Captivating:

Now, being romanced isn’t all that a woman wants, and John and I are certainly not saying that a woman ought to derive the meaning of her existence from whether or not she is being or has been romanced by a man . . . but don’t you see that you want this? To be desired, to be pursued by one who loves you, to be someone’s priority? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced. (1)

Play this back into her pride issues, and you get a woman that’s obsessive of her desires of the flesh, instead of one content with her life before the Lord.

The longings God has written deep in your heart are telling you something essential about what it means to be a woman, and the life he meant for you to live. Now we know–many of those desires have gone unmet, or been assaulted, or simply so long neglected that most women end up living two lives. . . On the inside women lose themselves in a fantasy world or in cheap novels, or we give ourselves over to food or some other addiction to numb the ache of our hearts. But your heart is still there, crying out to be set free, to find the life your desires tell you of. (2)

Rather than discourage such childish fancy (it really is), it’s widely encouraged in society. Look at all the romance novels, all the chick flicks, Fifty Shades of Grey. She is Woman. She is Goddess. She deserves to have all of her desires met, and met now. And men in general, and a man specifically are supposed to do it! Her man is supposed to give her the perfect romance, and the endless courtship. And if her man dare be topped by another, watch out!

And her man, himself, has to be the perfect one she dreamed of, the one that fits her 643 point checklist, the one that provides the fantasy, her Personal Jesus in the flesh. And how dare he fall short, lest the threatpoint be executed! At least she can get cash and prizes. After all, she’s the victim here, just like Eve perceived herself before God:

The woman was convinced. That’s it? Just like that? In a matter of moments? Convinced of what? Look in your own heart–you’ll see. Convinced that God was holding out on her. Convinced that she could not trust his heart towards her. Convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters in her own hands. And so she did. She is the first to fall. In disobeying God she also violated her very essence. (3)

Rather than see and accept God’s love for what it was, she rebelled because she didn’t feel loved by God. Is this not the story with most sin? This is the essence of the rebellion against God that exists through how women deal with their husbands. She is Woman. She is Queen. She is the One whose desires must be fulfilled!

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

The way of the flesh and the world is that all that is good and pleasing in one’s life gets clouded out for the desires of our heart. We focus on the things we don’t have. We envy. We covet. It takes effort to focus on the good things. The things we have. Not the things we don’t. Putting aside for the moment the problem of traditional feminism, when most women were of the stay-at-home variety, did they focus on what they had or what they didn’t have?

You have a man that lowered himself to accept your failed self as a wife.
You have a man that chooses to love you every day by the things he does.
You have a man that gives you a house to live in, rent-free.
You have a man that gives you food to eat and clothes to wear.

I can go on and on, but what was the response? They’re oppressed by the patriarchy (their own invention)? They deserve to be paid for all that housework and child rearing he asks in return? They deserve to not submit to their own husbands or provide sex to him regularly?

You ungrateful swine!

Just like Israel. Just like every one of us can be. Funny how we are given so many examples in Scripture for our admonition, yet we still choose to fall. Yet we all get what we don’t deserve before the Lord, and women still don’t get what they deserve before their husbands (and prospective husbands).

Be thankful, not only on this day, but every day. Take stock of what you have, and not what you don’t.

Image Source: Amazon.com

(1) Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge p 11. (2) ibid p 19. (3) ibid p 49.

A Woman’s Only Sin – Lack of Self-Esteem

One of the things I’ve wanted to do is offer some commentary on what Christian women are being taught. Having been exposed to Wild At Heart, I found it natural to investigate the book written by John Eldredge and his wife Stasi as a counterpart to that book: Captivating.


The book fits with an adjective that I find more proper to women today, and especially Christian women: Repulsive. In almost every woman, we have their feral natures running the show. Books like this do nothing to stem the tide of women rebelling against God. This book has nothing about the fallen state women are under. This book has nothing about the sin they exhibit or the typical pride of Eve, proving it very feminist. It addresses nothing about women being more the wife of Job than the Proverbs 31 wife. This book especially has nothing about the distinctive masculine walk that Jesus calls each of us to – the one of discipleship. This book, rather, fills unregenerate female hearts to Satan’s delight. There are so many passages that I could use in this book, but I will focus on just a few.

The whole theme of the book stems on the concept of self-esteem. It creates a certain pride and arrogance in women. The whole book is planted in feminist doctrine, as the notes I took regarding modern feminism in the church illustrates:

She also sought to redefine the principal sins of men and women. She asserted that to men, the principal sin is pride and grace is sacrificial love. In women, she asserted the exact opposite, that a woman’s principal sin is too much sacrificial love and not enough pride in themselves (or lack of self-esteem). (10)

The whole goal is setting up women in their pride – in their lost state. She does too much, she’s all about service, her true nature is being forced into hiding by the actual requirements of God. The one that requires her to walk in true discipleship to the Lord. The one that requires her to put her self aside in service. The one that actually requires her to honor her familial authority figures – her father and her husband. All of this keeps her from being “captivating”.

How do we recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. We share something deep and true, down in our hearts. So we venture into this exploration of femininity by way of the heart.
. . .
God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating. (1)

Of course, given the literal feral state of the modern woman, shame and pressure are the exact things they need. But focusing on self-esteem, lifting up the self instead of lifting up God keeps women everywhere from being what they were called to be before God. Instead, Satan whispers in their ears that they’re missing out – look at all of what God is keeping from them because their hearts desires aren’t fulfilled. That the flesh can’t rule them when they’re ruled by the Spirit. Even the Spirit peeks out though:

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it–something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on your deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. (2)

Shame, when it comes from conviction is a good thing. Instead of seeking why this is, for example kowtowing to the world and the opinions of others instead of seeking to please the Lord’s will, shame itself becomes the bad thing. Instead of recognizing the brokenness that a woman should have where the Lord should reign, she does everything to build herself up and ignore her sin. She makes herself valuable in her identity as woman.

Think about it: God created you as a woman. “God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). Whatever it means to bear God’s image, you do so as a woman. Female. That’s how and where you bear his image. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities–as a reflection of God’s own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image–when he created you as his woman–that journey begins with your heart. Another way of saying this is that the journey begins with desire. The desires that God has placed into our hearts are clues as to who we really are and the role that we are meant to play. Many of us have come to despise our desires or at least try to bury them. They have become a source of pain or shame. We are embarrassed of them. But we don’t need to be. The desires of our heart bear a great glory because, as we will detail further in the next chapter, they are precisely where we bear the image of God. We long for certain things because he does! (3)

Instead of it becoming about what God desires in her life, it becomes about her desires.

Her desires are made into what God desires.

In other words, her desire becomes entitlement, because in her view those desires are wrapped up into her entire identity as woman. She is Queen. She is the Princess. She is Beauty. She is God (dess). There is nothing new about this, so the only thing teachers are doing is accentuating the fleshly motives that are already there in woman.

We are reminded of Pascal’s metaphor, that our unmet longings and unrequited desires are in fact “the miseries of a dethroned monarch.” Mankind is like a king or queen in exile, and we cannot be happy until we have recovered our true state. What would you expect the Queen of a kingdom and the Beauty of the realm to feel when she wakes to find herself a laundress in a foreign land? A woman’s struggle with her sense of worth points to something glorious she was designed to be. The great emptiness we feel points the great place we were created for. It’s true. All those legends and fairy tales of the undiscovered Princess and the Beauty hidden as a maid are more accurate than we thought. There’s a reason little girls resonate with them so. (4)

In this way, the narratives of traditional feminism rear their ugly head. Instead of that “great emptiness” pointing to the need to submit to God in humility, it becomes a need to affirm her delusions, and become what it is she feels in her heart. Not to be a captivating woman of God, but to be a repulsive despicable despot over all that is around her. Not to be a humble inviting woman, but to be a prideful arrogant beast. But she is justified. She is Woman. She is the crown of creation.

Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? . . . Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill. Step to a window, ladies, if you can. Better still, find some place with a view. Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, “The whole vast world was incomplete without me. Creation reached its finishing touch in me.” (5)

She’s the best thing of all on earth, above the earth, and under the earth. She is Woman. She is Beauty. She is Queen. Hear her roar, as Satan cackles with delight.

“You are a Princess, you are called to rule, you are called to reign, and you are commanded to operate in it!”
– Nicole Crank

Image Source: Amazon.com

(1) Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge p X. (2) ibid p 6-7 (3) ibid p 8. (4) ibid p 22-23. (5) ibid p 26.

The Un-Marriageable Evangelical American Princess by BSkillet81

This is the first post that I’m going to try reposting from the defunct Christian Men’s Defense Network blog, as I mentioned before. As I continue to get clicks on my links to these (and have them saved), I figure it might be useful to repost the material, which will not include hyperlinks or comments (unless linked from here). I don’t know what happened to the original author (BSkillet81) after the last two years, so I would have liked to get permission to do this beforehand. If there’s an objection from the author, feel free to contact me and I can take this down.

Christian Men’s Defense Network
The Un-Marriageable Evangelical American Princess by BSkillet81
Posted on May 1, 2012

As a 31 year-old single Christian man, I get many opportunities to observe 25-30 year-old evangelical women in social settings. Many of them want to be married, but they can’t find men who are willing. A small number of them are admittedly not very attractive, and life has always been harsh on such women. Most of them, however, are reasonably good-looking. And many are quite fetching.

So why won’t anyone wife them up?

I can’t speak for everyone. But I can speak for myself: Being raised in the evangelical culture makes many (not all, but many) young women virtually un-marriageable. There are several reasons for this. To name a few, many young evangelical women are:

1. Raised with an extreme sense of entitlement.
2. Raised with a focus on their “self-esteem,” resulting in pride and arrogance.
3. Raised with acutely unrealistic expectations about life, which are clothed in the guise of religion.

The first point can be seen in Governor Sarah Palin’s speech to the Christian Extraordinary Women’s Conference. She told the audience that they need work to defend “the rights we are given as a daughter of God.” Bad theology aside–both male and female Christians are born again as sons of God insomuch as all of us are called to be conformed to the image of the Son of God–Palin’s view is patently un-Christian: When we put our faith in Jesus, we give up all of our rights. We have no rights, but rather a duty of obedience to Christ.

But instead, the average Evangelical American Princess (EAP) is raised to think along Palin’s terms: She is God’s special little princess. Everyone has to treat her with absolute deference because of this.

Worst of all, the EAP is taught that God has a perfect man waiting for her. This alone makes her totally un-marriageable: There is no perfect man, and because she is waiting for that perfect man, she will pass on several very highly marriageable, yet imperfect, young men. The very concept of marrying someone imperfect is an offense to her.

No, she is entitled as God’s little princess to absolute perfection. And she is entitled to have any and every man fall all over himself at the chance to marry her.

On the second point, EAPs are raised to have high self-esteem. The Bible does not hold self-esteem, but rather humility, as a supreme virtue. Paul writes (Romans 12:3):

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

But instead, EAPs are taught to always think extremely highly of themselves. Following from the first point, when any man shows interest in her, the EAP will later tell her friends how gross and creepy she felt that this guy was coming on to her. She feels this way because she honestly believes that the only guy worthy of even thinking of dating her is the one perfect man God has for her. Since the guy who came on to her was imperfect, she was extremely offended: Didn’t he know how great she is? Didn’t he know how far out of his league she was?

Obviously, no Christian man is going to bother asking her on a date if he knows that she will mock him behind his back simply for his effort.

And because of her high “self-esteem,” no EAP is willing to take on the Biblical role of the Christian wife: Submitting to and following the lead of her husband. Such an idea is anathema to the EAP. While the Bible instructs women to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives, she believes he must continually work to earn the her respect. Her respect would never be his by right as her husband. And since she has “grrllll power” and “moxie” and she can “accomplish anything she dreams of,” she will follow his lead only so long as he leads her where she wants to go. And since he can never be the “perfect man God has for her,” respect for him and his leadership is effectively off the table.

On top of that, she has grown up in churches where men are lambasted for their sinfulness from the pulpit, but women are pedestalized and raised to have an inflated self-image. So she honestly believes that men are evil and women are good. To defer to a man’s leadership makes no sense in her mind. Instead, he must defer to her because she is his spiritual superior.

Bottom line: Having too high a view of yourself is called pride. It is a sin. It results in many other sins: Cruelty, dishonesty, and selfishness to name a few. These are not desirable attributes in a wife. In fact, they are dangerous, and many young Christian men know that.

Third, EAPs are raised with completely unrealistic expectations about life. Since I have already dealt with the “God has a perfect man” phenomenon, I won’t belabor the point. But beyond this, to understand the unrealistic world-view taught to the EAP, one only needs to look at the average evangelical worship service: It’s entire purpose is to appeal to the female desire for emotional euphoria.

Contrary to the traditions of the Reformation, the modern praise songs do not usually focus on imparting sound doctrine. This is why the old hymns have been discarded. The music service is organized like a rock concert, replete with 7/11 songs (seven words repeated eleven times). Sermons are primarily designed to make the congregation feel good, not to impart truth. Women are routinely pedestalized, while men are unfairly maligned. Things like discipleship, objective truth claims, and divine justice are down-played or ignored.

And Jesus is described the same way a girl talks about her boyfriend. Rarely will you find references to Jesus as Lord and Master, as one to whom we owe unqualified obedience, as one who is head over us and has the right to command our allegiance. These are masculine terms. They are terms a medieval oath-man might think of as it relates to his feudal lord. They are not boyfriend terms, and so all Biblical texts that speak this way are discarded.

Rather, Jesus is presented as being obsessed with the listener’s emotional happiness. He is presented in erotic terms (in the traditional sense of the word, related to romantic eros). This is not an accident. As I have repeated many times, 2/3rds to 3/4ths of all church attenders are female.

One can see the effects of all this in the way these EAPs talk about their goals in life. Never are their goals focused on the perceived banality of motherhood. No, the prime thing they are obsessed with is travel. I have no problem with travel. I often enjoy it myself.

But this is not travel for its own sake. What you find is that, rather than wanting travel, what they mean is they want excitement. The greatest form of excitement to them is to spend their lives traveling all over the globe. No marriage-minded man would ever think of marrying such a woman: Real life is not excitement, and one cannot find true lasting joy in the pursuit thereof. Married life, especially, is not about excitement. Rather, the desire for excitement is an indicator of selfishness. Not a quality a man wants in a wife.

EAPs view marriage as a means to perpetual emotional ecstasy. This is what they have been taught from the pulpit since childhood. And it is what their false Snake Oil Jesus is most obsessed with: Not their eternal devotion and obedience, but their temporal happiness. EAPs simply cannot countenance a world in which the Christian is called to suffer. They cannot countenance a world in which the believer is not called to seek after emotional euphoria, but to eschew it and its underlying ethic of selfishness and immaturity. Thus, they cannot deal with a life where they are called to be mothers and wives, rather than to travel.

And that is why marriage-minded Christian men–those who have a true understanding of the Biblical view of marriage–will stay away from the EAP. To be sure, most Christian men have not been taught the Biblical view of marriage either. Many of them, however, sense the problem instinctively. Still, there are many schlubs who will end up marrying these EAPs without knowing what they’re getting into. I personally suspect that, as these marriages started in the EAP’s mid-to-late 20s reach the 5 to 10 year mark in the coming years, we will see evangelical divorce rates skyrocket.

I am not here suggesting that all evangelical women are EAPs, but in my experience the majority are. Instead of reflexively blaming young Christian men for not manning up and marrying these EAPs, Christian leaders ought to look at whether the church is raising young women according to the Biblical ideal of Godly femininity (Titus 2:4-5):

[A]dmonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

But that’s like, so boring! She’s God’s little princess, and she wants to travel.

If It Were A Snake

I talked previously about how traditional marriage and courtship works to enslave men, putting them into the things men are faced with. All these signs are there if you are willing to see them of female domination. One of them hides so well in plain sight people don’t think about it. The word used to refer to marriage:


One of the interesting features of words is that they are often put together with prefixes and suffixes that have certain meanings. We can see that in other words, especially those borrowed from Latin.

  • suicide – intentional killing of self
  • homicide – intentional killing of another
  • matricide – intentional killing of your mother
  • patricide – intentional killing of your father
  • pesticide – intentional killing of pests.

Now you should start seeing a pattern forming. Each of the words are formed by a prefix and suffix. -cide is the common suffix, which means “killing of”. Now words shift in definition a bit, explaining that pesticide is the thing you use to kill pests. But in the strict meaning of the word, if I kill a bug, I’m committing pesticide.

Now to the word matrimony. Given the pattern I’ve shown in the words above, the prefix and suffix should be evident:


Matri- in the meaning of the word where it appears means “mother”. -mony denotes a status, role or function. Testimony is another word that provides a view of what -mony means – the status, role, or function of giving a testament.

So the literal meaning of matrimony is “the status, role, or function of being a mother”.

For this word to mean “marriage” means that the man is wedded to his wife in a subordinate role to her as mother. The worship of women, specifically motherhood, is evident in traditionalism. Contrasting this with patrimony gets even more interesting. The accepted meaning relates to an estate that is inherited or anything that is inherited or the sum total of one’s property.

Matrimony is about motherhood.
Patrimony is about property.

Which one is used to describe marriage, again? And what messages are the definitions these words have sending?

The words we use even testify to the intentions behind traditionalism and the feminism that they instituted.