The Churchian feminist blog Boundless (Focus On The Family‘s outreach to singles) always is a good trove of blogging material. While I haven’t read there as much as I like, it’s fortuitous that commenter Dr. Zoidberg provided a comment that included posts of both mine and Dalrock’s (links below), which brought this to my attention.
Boundless blogger Anthony Ashley writes in “Overly Picky Girls?” to those of us who observe that women have unrealistic standards in men. They develop their 463 point checklists of what a man must have and if he’s the perfect man who God sent just for her, he’ll have all of those things. While these “perfect men” do not exist, those like Mr. Ashley will defend the special snowflake’s privilege to do this, and foment men into committing idolatry in the process. For instance, Mr. Ashley’s answer to the question of what women want:
A woman wants a man who is confident, kind, Christlike, takes care of himself, and treats her like a queen.
By “Christlike”, it means worship her Personal Jesus. However, the phrase “treats her like a queen” is instructive in looking at this writing. By that, he means submit to her rule over him by doing everything it takes to please her.
The Boundless piece begins in the context of an e-mail. Ashley quotes from the e-mail:
“You can be a great guy, trying to do everything right, and still be rejected. You can be seeking after God and growing in your faith and still be rejected, all because the girl isn’t attracted to you.”
This is like most of our experiences with “Christian” women. As Christian men, we get rejected by women who then cry where have all the good men gone. They pine away in misery because men won’t man up and marry them, but no one will point out that the 463 point list is unrealistic. Women expect the perfect combination of Brad Pitt’s body, George Clooney’s charm, Warren Buffett’s money, Billy Graham’s spirituality, and Chris Tomlin’s musical ability before they consider dating a man.
Instead, Mr. Ashley illustrates the Churchian drive to feminize men and normalize Marriage 2.0. Mr. Ashley’s suggestion is not for the man to have self-respect and next the women that obviously have no interest in him, but to become her beta orbiter, or as Zoidberg wrote, her peasant. This falls into the standard feminist dogma that the man should supplicate to the woman and if he works hard enough and serves her just right, she’ll accept him.
The e-mailer then points out the very real problem of how Christian women are worldly. As expected, Mr. Ashley turns the tables and blames this man, per The Book of Oprah:
There are plenty of godly women out there who are looking for godly men, and many of them are frustrated, waiting to be asked out. If you only pursue women who desire the “Hollywood myth,” then that’s your problem, and you should stop blaming women for it.
The real problem is that Churchians encourage women in their worldliness by using a “Christian” veneer. This is universal to all “Christian” organizations such as Boundless, especially relating to the widespread adoption of feminism. They have harkened to the voice of women and not the voice of God. There are not “plenty of godly women out there waiting to be asked out”. They are rarer than unicorns if they even exist at all and make themselves available to BE ASKED OUT. They worship their own Personal Jesus and not the real one. They are, nearly to the individual, in rebellion against God. This leads to Mr. Ashley’s complaint against men:
And this gets to what I’ve perceived as the two main problems for many Christian guys who struggle in the dating game: wrong expectations and hypocrisy.
This charge is more appropriate for women, and especially Boundless itself. Take the beam out of your own eye, before you take the speck out of others’ eyes! There are godly guys who pursue godly girls, but they find are arrogant and stuck-up entitlement princesses who do nothing but worship themselves. There is nothing worthy about these women, but they are allowed to stay in this state by the likes of groups like Boundless. Allowing women to hold their wrong expectations, and expecting them to not offer something good for men (for men are to not have expectations of women at all) is hypocrisy in itself. In this environment today, all Christian women are out of the league of all Christian men. Period. We’re supposed to just be grateful that any woman would take any interest in us and allow us to bask in Her Glorious Presence.
This is from the Book of Oprah, not anything to do with God. So-called Christian women rebel against the Lord by putting her Personal Jesus ahead of the real one. They are lifted up in their pride. They are excused in their sin, being allowed to sin rampantly and repeatedly. Instead of rebuking these women and tearing down these goddesses, the churches and groups like Boundless are there to support them in their pride and self-righteousness, provoking men to rebellion as well by the sin of Adam. Actually expecting a good Christian woman of virtuous and sound character that is proven out in her life becomes “shallow expectations” of those who need to become “man enough to love a real woman”. Men are just supposed to man up and marry those sluts. Men just won’t grow up because they actually demand women of virtue who have something positive to offer.
These church groups do damage to men like the e-mailer. Instead of affirming him as important before God, he is debased and ridden down. Instead of rebuking women and demanding Godly righteousness and virtue out of them, they are lifted up and affirmed in their pride and arrogance. I seriously pray this e-mailer doesn’t take what was written as truth as it will only damage his chances with women.
What most men like the e-mailer need to do is get some self-respect (or colloquially “grow a pair”). He needs to become master over his own life, serve God alone, and stop serving women. He needs to know who he is and what he stands for, and stand steadfastly in it, even in the face of women and those that would tear him down and rend him to the dogs.
While women and groups like Boundless might not say it, deep down women want this in a man. A woman doesn’t want a pushover for a man. He exhibits power over his domain. As part of that power, he invites her in of his own free will and choice. He does not debase himself by making himself into a pathetic slave, but brings his power to bear over this woman. As commenter Marybeth is quoted there:
-“As a college age Christian girl, I can definitely say that I am attracted to guys who portray strength and masculinity, more so than ‘good’ or ‘godly’ traits. While these are definitely not mutually exclusive, often it seems that the guys who are the typical ‘nice guys’ come across as backbone-less, desperate, overly emotional and not confident. As a woman, I do not feel safe or secure or cared for with that kind of guy.”
A woman wants to be treated like a queen, true. But she wants it done by her king, not a pathetic spineless lickspittle who accepts the abuse piled onto him by her and the feminist church. This is true no matter how much the feminists like Boundless bang the drum of Marriage 2.0.
Christian men you are better than this garbage that groups like Boundless are peddling. Are you a peasant, Christian man, or are you a king? You are better than the prideful arrogant entitlement princesses that you’re supposed to be “settling for”. You are better than the woman who is to be your queen (and she wants it that way). Act like it! Stop worshiping women and start worshiping God!
Related (Zoidberg’s Links):
Dalrock: Lowering the Boom
Dalrock: Beauty Taming the Savage Beast
Dalrock: Biblical vs. Churchian Sex in Marriage and Why Christians Need Game
SoP: Putting Out A Fire By Pouring Gas On It
SoP: Women Good, Men Bad