Links and Comments #13

Some more of the things that I’ve read which interest me:

A great comment by Dalrock commenter Anonymous Age 71 describing the main heresy of marriage in Churchianity: Effective Male Leadership Initiates Female Submission. This is seen time and again in Churchianity to the point it’s been addressed several times on this blog and directly rebuked here.

The command for husbands to step-up and lead their families is a heretical Churchian command manufactured out of whole cloth from misapplication of Scripture. The command given is for wives to submit, no matter how much the Churchian proctors wish to ignore it. It is Scriptural to say that Effective Female Submission Initiates Male Leadership. This is confirmed by Peacefulwife here:

It takes a LONG time of seeing that his wife is seriously permanently respecting him and honoring his leadership before most husbands feel safe enough to lead. At first it is VERY confusing for them! You can read my husband’s story here

You can also read another husband’s take on how scary it is to try to start leading when his wife never had let him lead before, here.

It is useful to compare secular and churchian marriage advice to see how far off the church is even from the standards of the world. For instance, we have the defective churchian logic involving single dads. These are good illustrations of why repentance is needed. None of these figures are going to repent because they are too self-interested – the real action needs to come from those who are supporting these people.
Helen Smith’s doing the media tour for her book and has an article out about why men aren’t getting married.

She’s hit a nerve with some, too.

Some might be waiting to see what I have to say about the Supreme Court ruling redefining marriage to be acceptable among homosexuals, but it’s really all been said. When you render what is God’s to Caesar and trample all over it yourself, don’t be surprised when certain parties petition the State to do something you don’t want with marriage or the State declares you married without your consent. It should go without saying that Christians need to repent of their wickedness towards marriage, instead of blindly advocating Marriage 2.0 and wishing for the rapture or they’ll find what Amos wrote to be true.
Sis unfortunately came up a lot recently along with other supposed “Red Pill” and “Christian” women.

She would have men jumping up and down making fools of themselves (like a dog hopping up and down frantically for a treat, this video represents what traditional feminist women expect out of men in dating) in order to show themselves to be worthy enough for a woman’s presence. The second part of her post is rendered impossible anyway for driving his frame and value so far into a worthless place by the former. Regardless, the man is the prize, not the woman. I could say much more, but Rollo and Martel got it covered.

Then we have the case of a group of Red Pill women (Sis included specifically for the lengths that she went to advocate deception) advocating lying to another woman regarding her partner count, which were addressed by Free Northerner and DonalGraeme. Experiencing the consequences of these kinds of things or witnessing them is what bring men to go their own way.

I pray she genuinely repents.

allamagoosa writes on how riding horses taught her the Red Pill.

embraceyourfeminity writes on how women shouldn’t change men and how women test men.

Farm Boy compares smart phone contracts to Marriage 2.0.

Deti’s guide to the SMP/MMP (Part 1, Part 2) written in response to a Churchian woman-worshipper named Paul. Of course, all he served to do was anger the men and disgust the women with his ways.

The better way of dealing with porn in marriage than the Sheila Gregoire method of using it as a lever to gain the husband’s submission to the wife.

A testimony of the corporate boyfriend.

Traditional feminism promotes a neurotic vision of love.

Frustration happens for us all in this online world because we are people with real needs, feelings and desires. The stuff going on IRL can affect you online and just wear you thin, coupled with the stuff online (believe me I know). We might gain a sense of community, but at the same time, those that step out and provide content can often be dehumanized into a web site or youtube channel where people say the nastiest things of you that they would never say to anyone in person. Then people can simply be dehumanized into pixels on a screen formed into characters in e-mails, texts, and IMs. Heaven forbid you show an inclination to change how you do things or show a bit of weakness and let your frustration come out. Then the long knives come out. Stardusk found this out recently, after doing this video:

Most of this is just a reminder that there are humans on the other ends of these things. As with spreading any message, especially God’s message you got to spread the message and keep on keeping on, but it’s still stressful. Genuine words of encouragement are always useful in any case, IRL or online, for those that are under stress and might not see results in front of them each day.

That’s all for now. Finally, the famous Russell Brand video. Like him or not, he taught a master class on social interaction here. There is much one can learn on how he dealt with these people.

I’m Not A Cult of Personality

In seeing the instances of Churchianity that are out there, it seems there’s one thing that is in common to all of it:

People are revering and following after men, rather than following after God.

There are signs of these things all over the Churchian realms, even from the very beginning. It is written of Paul and Barnabas after the people tried to worship them:

Which when the apostles, Barnabas and Paul, heard of, they rent their clothes, and ran in among the people, crying out, And saying, Sirs, why do ye these things? We also are men of like passions with you, and preach unto you that ye should turn from these vanities unto the living God, which made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and all things that are therein: (Acts 14:14-15)

And of Peter:

And as Peter was coming in, Cornelius met him, and fell down at his feet, and worshipped him. But Peter took him up, saying, Stand up; I myself also am a man. (Acts 10:25-26)

The tendency of wicked man is to worship created things rather than the Creator is a paramount thing which separates men from God. It could even be said that this is the primary test laid upon those who accept the grace of Christ. As it is written of John and the angels:

And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God. And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. (Revelation 19:9-10)

And I John saw these things, and heard them. And when I had heard and seen, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel which shewed me these things. Then saith he unto me, See thou do it not: for I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets, and of them which keep the sayings of this book: worship God. (Revelation 22:8-9)

Unfortunately, this simple admonition has been completely eliminated from the consciousness of most men. When all the representatives of Churchianity, even the ones that claim lineage to Paul and Peter miss this admonition, it makes a statement. It’s people putting themselves and other men, lifting them up as somehow better before other men and closer to God. It’s a natural part of the fallen nature, and a sad statement on Churchianity at large that the men themselves will do this, and others will accept them:

I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not. Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church. Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God. (3 John 9-11)

And upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them. And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man. And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost. (Acts 12:21-23)

It should not be missed that the same things are written of the son of perdition, one who represents himself as God and desires worship of himself as God:

Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God. (2 Thess 2:3-4)

The message should be clear to worship God, follow Him and serve Him and no one else or nothing else, yet all of this seems to be missed repeatedly. When people follow after other men, they turn to the ones that please them the most. This tendency has been noted time and again:

For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

The tendency of men after they select another man to follow is to turn it into a movement. This in turn eliminates any unity with the Spirit and body. It creates divisions, when the group divides up into sects or denominates itself. Again this occurred so early that Paul had to deal with it:

Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chloe, that there are contentions among you. Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ. Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul? (1 Corinthians 1:10-13)

Again, what is Paul, what is Apollos, what is Cephas but ordinary men who need the grace of Christ?

For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? (1 Corinthians 3:3-5)

Is this contention not what we have today in the staggering number of churches that denominate themselves outside of Christ? How is proclaiming that you follow Luther, Calvin, Wesley, Knox, or Smyth any different?

The directive today is literally to build up your own following, and build up the following of the movement. This has grown so commonplace that it is traditionalism at its core. While not intended as a direct response, this post already has driven up on the same block so might as drive on towards the house. Sola Scriptura doesn’t work with most people because they are bonded into division by these denominations and can not overcome them. They are not unified with the Spirit and do not generally act through the Spirit to interpret what they see. The proper and real binding authority, as Novaseeker puts it in denying His agency, is rightfully the Holy Spirit, not men.

Moreover, men are not locked into following after the Spirit and can grieve Him, not only in their lives but in their interpretation of Scriptures. Men can either conform to the Scriptures or seek to make the Scriptures conform to them. The pressures of the flesh and the world will always drive men away from Sola Scriptura into the arms of men. False teachers have always existed since the beginning, and it’s not coincidental that they feed into this sectarianism.

But to put aside the Spirit and desire a man instead as the arbiter in response to this sectarian disunity is disastrous. To deny the sufficiency of Scripture is to deny the sufficiency of Christ to justify, sanctify, and glorify His body. To deny the sufficiency of Scripture is to say that God’s right arm is too short. To deny the sufficiency of Scripture for a perceived lack of an arbiter is to deny the Holy Spirit and strip Him of His power.

I will say it time and again. I know I’m insufficient, but I know that Christ is all-sufficient for my needs. I know I am not worthy, therefore I need Christ. I know that all have sinned and fallen short just like me, so they need Christ too because they are not worthy. So why should I worship, follow, and revere them instead of Christ? Why should anyone worship, follow, or revere me? I am not Christ. There is only One that has walked this earth worthy of worship. I know it isn’t any of you. It isn’t me either. There is one figure that John fell on his face towards that didn’t rebuke him:

And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last: I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death. (Revelation 1:17-18)

Follow Christ, Serve Christ, Love Christ. Lift Him up alone.

For those that are wondering about the title, this song rang through my head almost the whole time planning and writing this thing:

The Good and the Bad Look Alike

There are those that evidently think that it’s possible to separate “the good women” from “the bad women” when it comes to vetting them for marriage. They cry “don’t run away” and “don’t give up on women”, stating that “all you have to do is find the right woman”. They deny that the hand grenade analogy is applicable to women when it comes to marriage. While I typically don’t follow the news too closely for numerous reasons, I came across this interesting article describing some high-profile divorces.

It seems Rupert Murdoch filed for divorce from his wife Wendi Deng. The rumor has it that she got bored and unhaaaaapy and had an affair. For those that don’t know, Rupert Murdoch (worth about $11 billion at least until the divorce is final) owns Fox, Fox News, Sky News, and a whole bunch of other media outlets.

For what the article mentions, Wendi Deng is a Chinese-born woman who immigrated into the US. A married couple in the US sponsored her, she had an affair with the husband, then married him. Then she divorced the man when she obtained her green card. The story that CNN has on Wendi Deng should present huge red flags. But somehow a man of the savvy and means of Rupert Murdoch fails to properly vet this woman (either out of ignorance or stupidity), who will do incalculable damage to his own interests and the interest of this company?

This is coupled with the divorce of oil billionaire Harold Hamm (worth $10 billion). The article intimates that the couple simply drifted apart in 1998. While the details of why the marriage fell apart seem nebulous, it’s interesting that Mr. Hamm didn’t take his wife’s interests for a divorce as a warning and at least get a pre-nup or protect the assets of his company. Now his wife will stand to be one of the wealthiest women in the country, simply by virtue of the divorce settlement.

Men with the obvious intelligence and business savvy to build these businesses, coupled with the resources they have, couldn’t find “the right woman” to marry (obviously both men are blue-pill), and as a result are going to have their lives blown up. When Solomon can’t find an upright woman among a thousand, what does that say about the average man’s ability to find the right woman? When the potential is high for a detonation when you pull the pin on the grenade and you can’t tell whether the grenade will be a dud, are you going to take the chance?

From Superman to Clark Kent

With this new Superman movie in the theater, I’ve been reminded of something interesting and unique about Superman compared to the other superheroes. Peter Parker becomes Spiderman, Bruce Wayne becomes Batman, but Superman becomes Clark Kent.

Think about it. He’s the only superhero that puts aside his true identity, abilities and confidence. Indeed his whole self. Kal-El literally becomes Clark Kent, something he is not. The others put on their superpowers as they put on the suit, to become who they are. Superman is the exact opposite. He learns puts on someone that is totally not himself to get along and go along.

(Superman and Clark Kent in 35 seconds)

As he was cast off his home planet onto the Planet With The Yellow Sun, he had to grow up and learn to understand who he is. He grows to understand that he is The Man of Steel by finally traveling to the Arctic to learn of his true self. “Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound”. He learns to aspire to great things by using these abilities as tools to accomplish these things. He has dreams of what he can do with those things and what he could possibly be. He then eventually learns of his full self and what he is meant to be. His dreams are out there to be fulfilled, along with legions of possible adventures ahead.

But then he meets a woman, and finds out that he is not that different from the actual humans and falls in love with her. This is despite the fact that she’s been particularly and purposefully troublesome on a lot of occasions, and learns what the real Superman is. In the attempt to ingratiate himself to her further, he uses a machine that has stored Krytonian sunlight to give up all of his abilities in order to be with this woman forever. Kal-El is stripped away and only Clark Kent remains. All the ability and adventures are gone. All those dreams gone. The freedom to fly into whatever adventure may come. The ability to deal with what may come. The ability to fight Zod, Ursa, and Non.

This is how marriage is sold and what single men are seeing. And they are seeing correctly, and what they are seeing is well known. “Honey can I go have a drink with the guys?” “Can I bring mine, uhmmmm, the guys are bringing theirs.” “No? You’ll keep them in your purse? Oh you want that too? Well…uhmmmm…okay honey. You’re the boss.”

It shouldn’t be any wonder why young men don’t want to get married.

Gentle and Quiet Femininity On Display

I know it’s going to sound blue pill side to be talking about this, but I have a bit of a field report. It’s not a field report like the gamers do, but something interesting at the store this weekend that illustrates an important concept in light of women: I encountered a feminine woman, a real woman. A woman I couldn’t help but smile and greet when I passed by. Now what I mean by that will come to light before the end of the post, but suffice it to say she was very memorable and stood out like a beacon compared to all the other women that I encountered that day. Not for her mere physical appearance (she wasn’t *ugly* – she obviously took care of her physical health), but for other things. Some lessons I took out of it to apply:

1. She obviously took care of herself.

You could look at her bodily appearance and see that she is fit and in shape. That part was obvious, but you could go on down the list of other things and see that she made effort in taking care of herself. Finding decent clothes to wear. Taking the effort to look good. She was the exact opposite of what Haley writes:

. . . lately I’ve been feeling really irritated at how frumpy so many women are. Frumpy clothes, frumpy hair – and then they wonder why no guys are paying attention to them, or they’re only getting attention from the guys they don’t want.

It was obvious that she did take effort regarding her appearance. And it showed.

2. She had long hair with a bit of personality.

But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. (1 Corinthians 11:15)

It’s no secret that there’s a correlation between long hair and feminine appearance. It doesn’t have to merely be long, but something that looks good and flatters the woman. As Haley writes:

If no one has told you that your hair looks good after a haircut, then you’ve been paying someone who doesn’t deserve your money. Find someone new to cut your hair, and keep going to someone new until you start getting compliments.

Her hair looked good and complimented her. If she doesn’t get compliments for her hair, people are failing her. Period.

3. She was dressed modestly and femininely, caring about her appearance.

In other words, she dressed herself respectfully and modestly and not as a slut. As Sunshinemary writes:

Sweatpants and pajama bottoms in public? Come on. And quit with the army pants and punked-out, black slut-wear. Put on a dress. Dresses and skirts look better than pants on most women; if you are a few pounds (or more) overweight, pants are the worst thing you can wear, as they draw attention to your thighs, hips, and tummy, areas which are gracefully covered by a dress or skirt. Wear hosiery unless it’s the middle of summer.

If I had to say anything about the other women at the store that most contrasted with this particular woman, it was this. You could say that the other women were trying to dress functionally for their shopping trips, but the woman I’m using as an example was shopping as well. It doesn’t have to be “to the nines”, but make an effort.

4. Her makeup was not garish.

If she had any makeup on, I sure didn’t notice. She didn’t look the opposite of put together, either, so I’m sure she’s taken some effort. Like Haley writes:


As Haley’s post goes on to illustrate, what looks garish is what men register. Does a woman wear makeup at all? Probably, but if it’s not noticeable, men don’t care. I couldn’t really tell and didn’t care myself regarding this.

5. She didn’t have any visible body art or odd piercings.

As SunshineMary writes:

Please stop with the excessive tattooing and all facial piercing. This is ugly. You are not Kat Von D. And even she doesn’t look good like that, it’s just that she is naturally beautiful. Take the metal out of your face and replace it with a smile.

I always personally thought that those who would mark up their skin or fill it up with odd piercings had self-esteem issues with their appearance. It really is what it shows – your outer appearance is a good reflection of your inner mental state. Which leads to:

6. She possessed a quiet confidence that showed a gentle and quiet spirit accepting herself as a woman.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

This is perhaps the overriding thing if I had to pin down what quality it was that made her stand out. I could just tell that she had this quiet confidence that showed through her effort made into herself and the way she conducted herself. She didn’t show herself vain, frightened, angry, or uncomfortable. She was not rebelling against being a woman, but owned her identity as a woman, and cultivated it, and it showed. She may have poor qualities that would show if you got a look into her life or she opened her mouth, but she had the outward appearance of being a woman down.

As Suzanne Venker wrote, “Women aren’t women anymore.” This calls back to what I wrote above about it being the first time in a long time I’ve encountered a real feminine woman. It’s not that I haven’t met and interacted with real biological women. What I mean and what was meant by that statement in Venker’s article is that women aren’t embracing their God-given identities as women.

It’s sad to say, but a big reason that men are rejecting marriage with women in the church environment is that women don’t want to be the women that God intended them to be. Much of the blame for that is the blame of the modern church for ignoring the faults of women entirely and then slicing men to ribbons for their righteous faults, made-up sins, and simply because they are men. Address women in their faults and rebellion against God for making them women instead of busting on single men for not manning up and marrying the sluts, husbands for not submitting to their wives by making them feel loved and letting her feelings rule the marriage, and fathers for providing for their families instead of submitting to their children.

Links and Comments #12

Time for another round of sharing things I’ve been reading:

Unmasking Feminism commenter Lyn87 writes on the nature of game

The problem is not that enough men don’t know how to fake masculinity as well as a Roosh or a Heartiste, it’s that forty years of feminist zeitgeist and tens of millions of single mothers have eviscerated the appreciation of masculine virtues in the western world. In short, boys and young men don’t need to learn how to fake being masculine from nihilistic snake-oil salesmen, they need to learn to be masculine by masculine men – primarily their fathers.

The Perfect Churchian Boyfriend (Source)
The Perfect Churchian Boyfriend (Source)

Unmasking Feminism – Disclaimers for Christian Men Considering Marriage (it seems we can add David Platt and Matt Chandler to the list of pastors who want men to man-up and marry the sluts)

I say all this not to be a downer and to sway men from marriage, but so they can make an informed decision. Wives are not always sunshine and lollipops. The modern Christian message is to just man-up and marry any Christian looking woman and instantly your life will be transformed into this Garden of Eden haven. Don’t be fooled. There will be no heaven on earth.

The Return Of Kings – The Men’s Right Movement is No Place For Men

Deep down, MRAs believe not only that men are victims, but that men can only advocate for their rights insofar as they are victims. Victimhood grants legitimacy. Plight makes right. Look at the issues dearest to MRAs, and you’ll find that stories of male victimhood dominate their discussions.

Donal Graeme – Church Shopping and the Race To The Bottom

So what is the moral of the story? Simple: the ability of “Christians” to church shop creates a natural pressure amongst churches to race to the bottom, to the lowest common denominator, and adopt beliefs which don’t conflict with the worldly views of members or potential members.

Unmasking Feminism – Refined and Dirt Bags

Note how there is nothing YOU-ish about the men’s group. It’s NOT about YOU, but about what you do as a husband, father, and citizen. Your utility is prized above all else.

Should Men Be Shamed Into Marrying?

According to this pastor, Paul was a self-centered failure who needed to grow up, man up and get married so he could serve God instead of being an irresponsible, messy, immature loser. Paul needed a godly wife to civilize him, but he failed in life because he stayed single and immature. This view is probably the majority view in churches today, and it probably explains why men can’t be bothered with church.

Ten Commandments of MGTOW – enough said.

SunshineMary and the Dragon commenter Frank on The relative freedom a husband has.

I look at that and wonder if it’s even possible to maintain the autonomy of being a free man within the confines of a marriage. All the sex in the world can’t make up for liberty.

Women Changed The Rules, Not Men

It really is something when you hear women complaining about how hard they have it given they brought most of these troubles upon themselves.

Single Blokes Are Better Off Staying Single

Apparently his wife is a very sweet person; but she also owns his ass. It gets to the point where I mock him to his face about how his wife is in charge of his life, and he is so sackless that he simply laughs along, even though I can see quite clearly that the jokes sting whatever pride he has left.

The Easiest Way To Overcome A Depression

But, what is important to realize is that being depressed isn’t itself important. What is truly important is to understand your own emotional self, and to try and understand what it is that makes you depressed so you can avoid it.

Until next time. I leave you with Dan The Man Stage 1 (very good) stuff.

Letter To A Young Churchian Woman

(I have edited the post to remove all the links to the blog in question. See the comments for the reason.)

Dear Michelle,

I recently came across your blog, and read it with great interest. As a 20 year old single Christian man (with 19 years of experience), I’ve encountered numerous women on my walk and have learned lots of things from them about relationships and about life.

I’ve noticed many women want to wait and go after career and ministry, with the expectation that husband, marriage, and family would be waiting for them when they are done. The fact that you are giving thought to marriage as a 20 year old woman is a credit to you. If you are earnestly serious at finding a good, not perfect Christian man, you are ahead of many other women. They wait until they establish careers, party, or do a great deal of ministry before the thought of seeking a husband approaches their minds. They end up bitter and angry at the world and everyone in it because they’ve been patiently waiting until they have 19 years of experience at being 20.

I’ve noticed in a lot of women, as I’ve noticed in you, the tendency of women to wait and believe the perfect special man that God has set aside for them will appear. They have a huge list and expect God to meet them all. I know you follow The Personal Jesus from reading your other blog and reading this current one. Michelle, if you believe that the Lord serves women (and men) in their own desires instead of acts in His sovereign will by working all things together for good for those that are called of God, you will find a sea of emptiness and will be single at 40.

If God means you to marry, He will provide a suitable husband, not a perfect husband. Remember the story of the man in the flood? The man was sent three boats and a helicopter to be saved from drowning, yet refused all by saying he had faith in God that He would grant a miracle. The punchline goes that he had no reason to complain because God sent the three boats and a helicopter. The perfect in our feeble minds is the enemy of the sufficient, needful and perfect will of God. I might wish of my own will to live in a mansion, but should I not live in a house at all if the mansion is my desire? Should I not accept a simple house or apartment if it is needful and given to me by God’s grace? You may have this conception in your mind of the perfect mate, but God may have a totally different idea. Don’t reject “good enough” in the sight of God for the absolute perfect, which doesn’t exist, in the will of man. Grace requires that we settle for less than perfect, because God settled for us (men and women) while we were still enemies.

While your 33 point requirements list for a future husband is not as long as some, why do you think God should satisfy your every desire? We are wicked and wretched in His sight. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It’s even by grace that we have the option of Christ Jesus. It’s by grace that we have anything by His hand, even a spouse if it is His will. We deserve only one thing by His hand. We should not think that God owes us anything.

On that note, I’ve noticed the tendency in a lot of “Christian” women in my 19 years experience as a 20 year old to not recognize the grace that God has given them before others, especially the men that would be their suitors. There are no perfect men. There are no perfect women. You are not perfect, Michelle, and neither am I. Maybe you don’t realize this well, as I didn’t. Life is hard. Imperfect people fall short. They hurt those around them that they love. They fail to do the things they should be doing and fail when they actually do what they should be doing. We are failures, but God gives us grace through His love for the faults, as He does through the blood of Christ Jesus when we come to Him in repentance for our faults before Him.

Michelle, please remember this when you remember the “mistakes” you have made by “settling for the wrong guys for the wrong reasons”. You might have failed God in some form of your standards, but you have failed God again in throwing aside His witness of grace and love in your life by being too exacting. This is only one of the messages you are sending men. Remember as I wrote above, I’ve encountered numerous women. In looking at your list along with this observation of your mistakes, the message is sent that no man is good enough to be your husband who walks this earth. The perfect man who does not get grace from you for his faults, must walk with a selfish, arrogant, evangelical entitlement princess who must be worshiped as the righteous goddess that she is, not to mention that her obvious faults must never be mentioned. Michelle, most guys will interpret what you wrote to mean “fornication”, in case you were not aware.

This may not be the young woman that you really are, Michelle, but this is how you are presenting yourself to men. You wonder if your Prince Charming might have requirements for you too. Not many women who are serious about marriage and relationships would accept a man with such a list in hand. You most certainly wouldn’t when push comes to shove. Most men wouldn’t accept your list either and would run the other way. This is not selfishness, this is “not settling for the wrong girl for the wrong reason”, namely because of her selfishness.

Have you ever given thought on what you are willing to offer a man who would be your husband? After all, God’s love is about selfless giving, not selfish getting. One of the things I’ve found in my life that is that my requirements list for women has grown very short over time. It’s okay to have one, but not such a long one that you won’t accept anything from the Lord’s hand. But I’ve found the list to shorten as I’ve learned more about my faults and the Lord’s grace that He has extended to me in my life.

In conclusion, I know I’m a callous evil man who just violated numbers 5, 7, 14, 16, 20, 21, and 31 on your list of poorly thought contradictory items with the intention of 1, 17, and peripherally 3. I know you are like other women I’ve encountered and thinking “how dare that insolent obstreperous pig for writing those things!” Be mindful of what the Scripture actually says about the nature of rebukes and what the wise do with them. I hope you listen and consider what has been written.

With prayer and Christian love,