In the last post, the false gospel that has taken hold that accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior is the personal perfect romance with the perfect man was mentioned. In the minds of many a woman, Jesus is her perfect boyfriend, husband, and father rolled up into one.
This led to the thought that I can see in my experience but was expressed as well by others is that this seems to lead women to think the same way about selecting a husband. The thought in these women is that Jesus will give them perfection in their love affair and romance with him, and this includes the husband that they would marry and the marriage that they would have. The aptly named godzgurlz.com provides an excellent example of such teaching:
My man may not be the perfect man for another woman but he surely is the perfect one for me. This is how great of a match-maker our God is. When He created my husband, He already had me in mind, and vice-versa.
I want to encourage all the single women out there. God has that special man for you … the man He has set aside for you. In His time, He will send him to you. Wait on God and wait for your man, so that you won’t make a mistake. . . . Don’t settle for just anyone just because you are getting impatient. Wait, wait, wait!!! It is going to be worth the wait. Let God’s perfect will reign in your life.
Note the woman writing this repeatedly says “wait for the perfect man for you and don’t settle”. Of course, the woman defines what these things mean and how they will come to pass. This is feminism in its rawest form, drawn out of the original false gospel. There is no perfect man other than Jesus. BSkillet81 writes, illustrating the fallacy of expecting a perfect man and perfect marriage out of a sinful man:
Worst of all, the EAP is taught that God has a perfect man waiting for her. This alone makes her totally un-marriageable: There is no perfect man, and because she is waiting for that perfect man, she will pass on several very highly marriageable, yet imperfect, young men. The very concept of marrying someone imperfect is an offense to her.
It seems the feminists are warping Ephesians 5 into something that it isn’t, given the full counsel of Scripture.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25)
As many teachings go, this connection seems to be made incorrectly. A wife will say “He needs to be perfect like Christ and give himself to me”. They connect themselves and their own desires to Jesus as well as their husband. They essentially say “if the husband can’t give me a perfect romance like Jesus, he is not worthy of me.” The fact is, no one is worthy of Jesus.
But the definition of this lands in the mind of the woman involved. “If Jesus loves me He will do this for me and do it perfectly.” seems to be a common thought expressed in various ways. BSkillet81 writes again about this:
She is waiting for “God’s perfect man for her.” She believes she deserves a perfect man because she is a “daughter of the King” and “God’s special little princess.” As such, the only men she will ever notice are the top 20%, the “exciting” alpha guys with extreme good-looks, a six-pack, and a really hot car. These are the kinds of things she defines as “God’s perfect man.” Of course, these are not what God defines as an ideal man, but note the qualifier “God’s perfect man for her.” That last bit–for her–means she gets to define what is and isn’t perfect, and God is expected to play along.
This said, God plays along because her perfect romance is with Jesus. He loves on her and gives her whatever she wants, according to her thoughts and mind. This is her ideal romance, and she expects her ideal romance to play out. This is further illustrated by the proliferation of “Christian romance novels”. It is in essence porn for women. Russell Moore writes of what romance novels are:
The romance novel follows, the researchers argue, a typical pattern. The hero is almost never, they say, a blue collar worker, a bureaucrat, or someone in the traditionally feminine occupations (hairdresser, kindergarten teacher, etc.). He is competent, confident, and usually wealthy. He is, in short, an alpha male.
But, they argue, this alpha male is typically a rough character who learns to be tamed into kindness, kindness to her. Thus, you wind up with not only the strong silent cowboys with the soft interior life, but also these days vampires and werewolves and Vikings.
In essence, the Christian romance novel follows the same pattern as the regular romance novels, or the romantic chick-flicks. They present a heroine which is presented with an alpha male that she needs to tame. The only difference in the Christian romance novel is that the man will happen to pray with her and go to church with her in the end. That these women are presented with false ideals of reality presents the same problem stated of men in porn when all the pornography opponents preach against it.
Crystal Rae Nelson writes of the effects that reading Christian romance novels had on her:
Several years later, having allowed these influences to permeate my perception, I realized (painfully) that I had indeed misshaped my convictions, and distorted my idea of a courtship relationship, and what it should be like. My very attraction toward these things was exactly the encouragement I should have avoided. Instead of allowing my focus to rest on finding a perfect, ideal, romantic relationship, I should have instead turned my eyes and heart to seek God’s will for me, and my future husband.
The average evangelical woman doesn’t want a good and Godly man. She wants the Alpha Experience, often fornication included. She wants nothing different than the world. And she is affirmed within Churchianity instead of admonished for dealing with feminine porn, and holding unrealistic expectations. They are not challenged, even in the highest levels, for holding onto such parallels. I’m not sure this all is directly taught in Churchianity, but the inference is allowed to hold. This is because women, having the perfect romance with Jesus, feel they deserve the perfect romance from a husband she is given.
Many in positions of teaching don’t realize they are teaching when they choose to use certain phrases, for example saying “isn’t it great to be in the house of the Lord today?” teaching reverence for the church building. Unfortunately, for not speaking truth and upholding it in practice when it comes to marriage, men are suffering because they can not find good Godly marriages, and women are suffering because of this delusion.